This is Infants on Thrones.

Minnesot.

Minnesot.

It was a normal night just like any other night. I was 16 years old, a priest in the

ironic priesthood. In a few short years I would become a missionary,

venturing out to the front lines,

a valiant soldier in the great cosmic war against Satan and his demon hordes.

My bedroom was in the basement. against Satan and his demon hordes.

My bedroom was in the basement.

I slept in a twin bed that faced a large sunken window well.

It was meant to be a fire escape, but I often used it to sneak out at night to go teeping with my friends, at least

until I saw the Black Widow spider webs and decided it was just too risky.

Because Black Widow spiders can be silent but deadly you know what

else is silent but deadly a scorpion so I stripped down to my BVD's, knelt over my pillow, and offered up my nightly prayers.

Ever since I turned 12 and had been given the ironic priesthood, I'd been secretly praying for

the ministering of angels.

You know, the doctrine and covenant said that I could have one, if I was worthy, and Joseph Smith

had one when he was a kid, so why couldn't I?

I said a man and turned on my radio. I liked listening to music as I fell asleep

K-Lite 98.7 fm An embarrassing collection of soft rock ballad,

so I'd be sung to sleep every night

by the likes of Roberta Flack, Barry Manilow,

...