You're listening to episode 62 of the Baggage Reclaim session.

I'm your host Natalie Lou, author of Baggage reclaim.com, where I help people to offload the shady relationships and emotional baggage that block healthy self-esteem and loving relationships.

This week I talk about why we have to stop making snap judgments about who's a nice person.

Plus, I share tips who are responding to differences with loved ones

from a place of love, care, trust and respect.

Imagine that you're out at an event and you get

chatting to somebody and you have a fun and engaging conversation with them, maybe you find out a little bit about what they do,

you know, maybe you tell them a bit about what you do and you feel like you really get on.

Later on you get chatting to someone else who mentions that they're looking for, I don't know,

volunteer to help out with something. And because you have had this conversation with this person

who you didn't know before the event,

that person might actually spring to mind as a suggestion for that volunteer.

On another occasion, it could be that you are on plenty of fish and someone mentions on their you know in the profile that they are a Buddhist or that they work with animals or children or that they're very devoted to guard or they work in a certain

field. You figure that they'll make a good partner and that they will be looking for

commitments. These are both examples of snap judgments, something that we all do.

Now, when a snap judgment means that we can have the fast reaction that's needed to get out of harm's way

or it means that we can make a decision based on the accumulated data from previous experiences of making assumptions and converting them into facts, that's one thing.

But if we want to live and love better in terms of our interpersonal relationships,

we need to become aware of our biases that lead us to making assumptions and snap judgments, especially when it comes to why we choose to move forward or to halt with romantic partners.

I'm going to be honest, it makes my teeth hurt when I hear people go on about what a nice person someone is,

which is often followed by a but, but we don't have any chemistry but I think I would get bored by them

but I think they would be better suited to someone who was you know a bit more you know a bit more you know a know, a bit more, you know, and then they kind of reach

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