Ep #354: The Third Arrow: When Self-Shame Makes Everything Worse

Feminist Wellness

Béa Victoria Albina

Lifecoaching, Mental Health, Holistic, Feminist, Self-improvement, Fatigue, Alternative Health, Feelingstuckinlife, Spirituality, Healthygut, Health & Fitness, Mindbodyconnection, Guthealth, Connectionsbetweenthoughtsandhealth, Education, Ibs, Gutmicrobiome, Feminism

4.9 • 988 Ratings

🗓️ 27 November 2025

⏱️ 26 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

#354: You know that feeling when your mom rearranges the table you just set, or your uncle makes that comment about your career, and suddenly you're spiraling?

That's the first arrow - the hurt. The second arrow is all the stories your mind creates about how “she always does this” or “nothing I do is right.” But there's a third arrow that I haven't found anyone really talking about, and it's the most damaging one.

Join me this week to discover how to recognize the third arrow when it shows up. You'll learn specific remedies you can use right now when that shame spiral starts, including how to name it, change your nervous system state before trying to change your thoughts, and talk to yourself like someone you love. Because once you see the third arrow, you can't unsee it. And that awareness gives you a choice you didn't have before.

Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://beatrizalbina.com/354

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Please support the book by reviewing it on Amazon or Goodreads. It helps the book reach more folks who are still living in old survival patterns and don’t have language for it yet. Drop your screenshot at beatrizalbina.com/book and you’ll get access to thank-you gifts and raffles for free breathwork sessions, coaching, and audiobook copies. I appreciate you more than you know. Get your copy today: https://feminist-wellness.captivate.fm/book

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Transcript

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0:00.0	Hey, cutie, before we start today, I want to tell you a tiny secret about the book world that still
0:05.0	blows my mind. Publishers don't print mountains of books. They print a wee modest stack and wait to see
0:11.4	if people care enough to keep that stack alive. You are the signal they listen to. You, when you buy a
0:18.9	copy or 10 for your holiday gifting, you're telling them this work matters.
0:23.9	When you, yes, you leave a review on Amazon and Goodreads, even if your copy came from your local
0:29.4	independent bookstore or your library, you're telling them this book needs to stay in the world.
0:35.7	When you leave a review, take a screenshot and head to Beatricealbina.com
0:39.6	slash book. You'll find breathwork, audiobook giveaway, and even coaching raffles waiting for you.
0:47.7	Thank you for doing your part. I appreciate you.
1:06.2	This is feminist wellness, and I'm your host, nurse practitioner, somatics and nervous system nerd, and life coach, Bea Victoria Albina.
1:09.9	I'll show you how to get unstuck, drop the anxiety,
1:12.7	perfectionism, and codependency so you can live from your beautiful heart. Welcome, my love.
1:17.9	Let's get started. Hello, hello, my love. I hope this finds you doing so well. Today is the day, commonly known as Thanksgiving in the U.S., and I am here to talk with you,
1:33.2	yes, you, all about the third arrow.
1:36.1	Because once you see it, you can't unsee it.
1:39.2	It's a bell that can't be wrong.
1:41.1	And knowing about it might save your holiday and whatever semblance of sanity
1:47.4	you have left at this point in the year. This isn't my first time talking about this concept
1:54.5	in general. Way back a majillion years ago, episode 15, I talked about the Buddha's teaching about the two arrows.
2:04.8	The first arrow is pain, unavoidable, part of being human.
2:08.7	The second arrow is how we resist that pain.
2:11.2	The this shouldn't be happening that makes everything worse.
	...

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