Ep #344: The Resentment Equation: A Deep Dive Into Emotional Labor Debt
Feminist Wellness
Béa Victoria Albina
4.9 • 988 Ratings
🗓️ 18 September 2025
⏱️ 17 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
Do you ever wonder why you sometimes feel an inexplicable rage towards the people you love most?
If you've ever agreed to take on more work when you're already drowning, pushed through exhaustion to help others, ignored your own needs to keep the peace, or found yourself inexplicably angry about small things, this episode is for you.
Join me this week as I teach you the mathematical formula for resentment. You’ll learn the science behind why saying "yes" when you mean "no" creates emotional labor debt, what's actually happening in your nervous system when you override your own needs, and how to start breaking free from the resentment equation.
Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://beatrizalbina.com/344
Mentioned in this episode:
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For years, we've been gathering here on Feminist Wellness, unpacking the tangled thought habits that come from living through the lens of codependent, perfectionist, and people-pleasing conditioning. You've shared your stories, your wins, your heartbreaks, and your breakthroughs with me, and I have held each and every one close to my heart. Well, all of those conversations, all that healing, all that nerdy science, it's come together in my new book, End Emotional Outsourcing: How to Overcome Your Codependent, Perfectionist, and People-Pleasing Habits. This book is your practical, science-backed, loving guide to finally stop handing your emotional life over to other people and stop taking theirs on for them. Pre-order yours today: https://feminist-wellness.captivate.fm/book
Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | Darling, you're not just listening to this podcast because you're curious. |
| 0:04.2 | You're becoming someone who trusts herself, who honors their needs, who knows what's his to carry and what isn't. |
| 0:13.2 | And emotional outsourcing, how to overcome your codependent, perfectionist, and people-pleasing habits is my new book, and it's your next step. Be a reader. |
| 0:22.4 | Be a revolution starter. Be a part of the change movement. Pre-order at Beatrice Albina.com |
| 0:29.7 | slash book. This is feminist wellness, and I'm your host, nurse practitioner, somatics and nervous system nerd, and life coach, Baya Victoria Albina. |
| 0:49.2 | I'll show you how to get unstuck, drop the anxiety, perfectionism, and codependency so you can live from your |
| 0:54.9 | beautiful heart. Welcome, my love. Let's get started. Hello, hello, my love. I hope this |
| 1:04.0 | finds you doing so well. I want to start today with something that might sound a little, a little wild, but stick with me. |
| 1:14.2 | We're going to go nerd. You're ready? I want to teach you the mathematical formula for resentment. |
| 1:20.1 | And not just teach it to you, but explain what's actually happening in your nervous system when this |
| 1:24.0 | equation is playing out in real time in your actual life. Okay, you ready? The formula |
| 1:29.8 | is this. Unmet needs plus self-abandonment multiplied by time equals rage you cannot explain, |
| 1:39.8 | a.k.a. resenting the people you love. Let me that down unmet needs that's every time you needed |
| 1:45.4 | rest but pushed through anyway you needed support but didn't ask for it i don't want to be a bother |
| 1:50.5 | every time you needed someone to hear you but stayed quiet don't be a burden self-abandonment |
| 1:56.7 | that's every yes you said when you meant no. Every boundary you didn't set, every time you |
| 2:02.1 | prioritized someone else's comfort over your own well-being, your own values, and time, |
| 2:08.9 | time is the multiplier that turns all of that into a slow building rage bonfire that seems to |
| 2:16.3 | come from nowhere but feels like it could burn down |
| 2:19.0 | everything around you. Now, if you're thinking, that's exactly what I've been feeling, but could |
| 2:24.9 | never put words to, then what a delight this episode is for you. Or if your partner, parents, |
| 2:31.9 | BFF, clients, or other loved one tends to spin in resentment, |
... |
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