I'm Natalie Lou in your listening to the baggage reclaim sessions.

Hello hello. How are you doing?

Today I want to talk about something that I know

get some people's backs up and I know this because I remember it's probably about a

decade ago writing about being blinded by

intelligence and being blinded by good looks and oh my gosh not only did the comments light up but I received

some very very heated emails from people now I'm not necessarily expecting that to happen as a result of this episode, but the reason why I say that it's basically a touchy subject is because as humans we are attached to our views about things we're attached to our perceptions

we're attached to our habits we're attached to our habits, we're attached to ourselves.

Even when we have beliefs that are not working for us, so they're untrue, they are negative, they are causing you know blind spot patterns

problems. We will cling on to these as if they're the most valuable thing in the world because we would rather

be right about something awful about us than think, oh my gosh, I've made a mistake and I am wrong. And we have all been socialized, you know, conditioned to believe that

certain things make other people more valuable or less valuable, less attractive, more attractive.

And this has contributed to our relationship habits.

And I talk about this in episode 2009 the compatibility factor and how we

Haven't learned about how to forge healthy relationships of really any kind, not just romantic relationships,

really any kind. Instead, we're bumbling along and fumbling along and we don't really understand

about values and boundaries and needs because hello we weren't

taught about these things. So today what I want to talk about though is the trouble with over-focusing on one or a few particular characteristics with people.

And look, this is something that can happen in any of our interpersonal relationships, but it is particularly prevalent in romantic relationships.

We focus on a characteristic or few above all else and it can prove to be a blind spot. We might say that

we're drawn to intelligent people or type A or sensitive or creative or that they have to be fit or church going and the list goes on.

We have something. It tends to be, you know, our type, a particular

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