The following podcast is a Dear Media production.

Welcome to the Absolutely Not podcast, where we do the most and the least at this same damn time.

I'm your host, Heather McMahon. I want to start a fire.

Hello, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to another episode of the Absolutely Not podcast.

I'm your host, Heather McMahon.

How are you? I hope you're doing well.

Hope you're having a great week. Hope you got the luck of the Irish Shania. You know what I mean?

I hope you got those little lepracons are topping away on your rooftop saying,

today's going to be a great day, Michelle. I'm having a wild week. okay? We have so much to discuss. I want to get into the voicemails. I want to talk about Japan and talk about how Scarlett took a tumble, aka I came home to a broken Robin. And I feel like we'll dive into that first, because I know y'all are anxious about it. But if you're watching this on the YouTube's, I am in a gorgeous green color, which is not usually my color, but this level of green I can pull off.

I had a gorgeous pink sweater on from Mu-Mu. And then I realized with the pink background, I just looked like one giant pink blob.

And when I was in Japan, I had a fabulous pink hat on and I you know, and I had a pink sweater and pink sneakers. And I just was pinked out. And I was walking down the streets of Shibuya. I'm saying that wrong. It's a very trendy area. And these cute little girls were chasing after me, you know, because they thought I was Godzilla. But they were like, pink, pink. And I said, yes, that's me.

It is I pink. And they were like, you love pink, we love pink. And then I looked at them and they were dressed in all pink. And we just kind of had this like real feminine, ethereal, jovial moment of just us all being like, we love pink. And we kind of held hands and squealed a little bit. and then I ran into another store to look at Chanel's.

So it was just overall, I've realized pink is my color, but today we are

wearing green for the Irish, for also just so I don't blend into the curtain behind me.

Okay. Anyways, where am I going? I'll tell you where I'm going, okay? I'm going straight to the ER because I had not even taken off out of Tokyo the other day. It was 8 p.m. in Tokyo, so it's about 6 a.m. home time. And I get a text message from my sister. Don't freak out. Mom fell. I'm taking her to the ER. We're on our way to the

hospital. We're at the hospital. Want you to know. And I'm like, what the fuck? What happened?

She said, apparently she either slipped on ice or slipped on water out on the porch, letting one of the

dogs out. And so immediately, I'm like, this is my fault because I had had my dogs boarded for 98% of the time that we were gone. And then for that last like extra day, I said, Mom, do you care if, you know, my sister's at home. Like, everybody can hang out with the dogs together. Sure, fine, no problem. Whatever. And in my mind, I'm immediately like, this is my fault. Robin's 78. She shouldn't even have to let a dog out. Here we go. The woman is broken. She's going to die. It went dark so quick. So I just start, I've had like one glass of champagne before we take off. And I'm immediately just like, hey, my mom is all I have left. And then my sister starts texting me. I'm like a psychopath texting,

Ashley. What hospital is she at? Is she okay? Has she gotten into the doctor? Is she in pain?

And Ashley's like, she's shaking a little bit, definitely from the pain. They're going to give her some

tort all. And they're going to have to reset her arm. So basically what happened was Robin fell,

went to brace herself, did a gnarly, on the medical records, it says shattered her arm. So basically what happened was Robin fell, went to brace herself, did a gnarly,

...