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2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer

Chris & Stavvy Save Christmas! | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer

2 Bears 1 Cave

Comedy, Society & Culture

4.823.2K Ratings

🗓️ 22 December 2025

⏱️ 69 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

SPONSORS: - If you’re 21 or older, get 25% OFF your first order + free shipping @IndaCloud with code BEARS at https://inda.shop/BEARS! #indacloudpod - For simple, online access to personalized and affordable care for Hair Loss, Weight Loss, and more, visit https://Hims.com/BEARS. - Order a bottle of Por Osos and some killer merch online https://drinkporosos.com Merry Winter Bears-mas! Stavros Halkias and Chris Distefano take over 2 Bears 1 Cave while Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer are away, and immediately turn it into a holiday fever dream. The Winter Bears dive into chaotic Christmas traditions, Jewish Christmas supremacy, family trauma, weight-loss delusion, wild childhood memories, and the politics of gift-giving. Along the way, they spiral into ancestry revelations, Oldboy-level revenge fantasies, questionable parenting strategies, croissant mukbangs, and an all-time debate over the perfect Christmas Chinese food order. Grab a pastry and strap in — this might be the most unhinged holiday episode in 2 Bears history. https://www.instagram.com/stavvybaby2 https://www.instagram.com/chrisdcomedy/ 2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 320 https://tomsegura.com/tour https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour https://www.chrisdcomedy.com/ https://www.stavvy.biz/ https://store.ymhstudios.com Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:00:57 - Revenge & Christmas Plans 00:06:57 - The Germans Always Make Good Stuff 00:16:33 - Perfect Holiday Dinner Conversations 00:23:38 - Are Greeks Whites? 00:30:40 - Let's Eat Some Tommy Bunz 00:33:35 - Christmas Gifts 00:44:09 - Greek Thieves, Bribing Kids, & Daddy Stavvy 00:52:17 - Favorite Chinese Food Order 00:59:00 - Living The NYC Dream 01:02:28 - Answering Some "Fan" Questions Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0

100%

0:01.2

Cheers.

0:05.6

Ho, ho, ho.

0:06.8

Merry 2 Bears Miss, everyone.

0:10.2

Merry, Merry Winter Bears miss.

0:12.3

Yes.

0:13.2

I like it.

0:14.0

The best, the greatest holiday in podcasting.

0:17.8

Mary substitute two bears one cavesmas, everyone. Yes, your Christmas gift from YMH this year is you have yet another week that you don't

0:26.0

have to listen to Tom and Bert.

0:28.1

That's what we've wrapped up.

0:31.1

But I am, they did, contractually, I did have to be shirtless one episode.

0:35.3

That's what it is, yes.

0:36.4

And we figured why, what more festive occasion than two bears miss? Yeah. Yeah, contractually, you had to go shirtless and I had to remind the audience that they're poor. Yeah. Well, you had to strangle a Guatemalan outside. You had to strangle a gardener to get in Tom's brain. Yeah. Dude, can't wait. Like, we're having a good time, me and you're like, we're joking around, we're being silly. I can't wait to eventually get like a legal notice from Bert Kreischer's legal team. Not like what we've said about him is not okay. I feel like Tom doesn't care, but Bert will kill us for this. Tom would do it.

1:13.2

Tom would secretly have it done. Yeah. Tom would just over the course of our lives sort of like,

1:19.1

he would kind of make us, you see Old Boy? Yeah. Where they, spoiler, forever,

1:23.8

I haven't seen Old Boy. It's a classic. He, an enemy makes one of his former

1:29.5

enemies fall in love and fuck his own daughter. I feel like Tom would do that to you. He would

1:35.1

old boy you with one of your, with your, what would happen is he would fake your daughter's

1:39.7

death in a car accident. Then he would raise her. Right. Right. He would raise her in captivity.

1:45.6

You know, make her, teach her about the Mets. Teach you about stuff that you would be into. Then he would like, you would have a traumatic brain injury. Right. Right. He would, he would make, then he would put you in, he's two car accidents we're up to. He would make you have a traumatic car, traumatic brain injury. Yeah.

1:59.2

Jazz will move on.

...

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