As a medical professional, people always ask me what to do when you have a snoring female in your bed.

Snoring females are no laughing matter.

And what I always recommend from a medical perspective is you take your thumb and index finger

and what you want to do is just pinch their nose for about 40 to 50

seconds or until they stop breathing and then retract back to your side of the

bed undetected. I've also had patients who have had success with grabbing a

single hair and just yanking it out of their head or a quick flick on the nose before

retreating but I want to remind everyone of the importance of doing so in a stealthy manner to

avoid the discompobulated tantrum that could likely follow.

Yes, whether you're turning the light off and on for a few seconds or achieving this result by

blasting no more than three seconds of slip-not psychosocial into the ear,

remember that avoiding confrontation with this recently

awoke maniac is crucial.

I had one patient who went with a quick eyelash pluck in order to rearrange her

sleeping pattern but was not quick enough on the draw.

This led to a deranged lunatic yelling profanities and then having to have the uncomfortable conversation of reminding her that she isn't the only person trying to sleep.

Contrary to popular belief explaining to her that improving her sleep patterns might give her the strength to finish her chores in a timely manner

can also have the opposite effect of igniting this deranged lunatic into overdrive and hence

making it even more unlikely for you to achieve adequate slumber.

When done properly at most you will get a what are you doing to which you completely

ignore and you likely have a good 10 to 20 minutes to drift away before the

nasal orchestra begins setting up for their encore.

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