Women often carry the heavy burden of being the peacemaker in the home - which is an impossible task when the chaos of abuse is an ever-present reality.

Anne is on the podcast sharing some simple strategies that victims can use to achieve a level of respite from emotional and psychological abuse. Tune in and ready the full transcript below for more.
Agree Quickly - It's Strategic
If you're in a situation where emotional and psychological abuse is imminent, rather than engage with the abuser, you can quickly and passively agree (if it's safe to do so). Anne shares an example on the podcast:
"You can be a peacemaker and you can be safe with the strategy of agreement. So here are some examples. Let's say your husband says something like, well, you don't respect me and you never listen to me. Rather than diving into an argument or pulling out all the times where you did listen to him and how you do respect him, because you always ask his opinion before you spend more than $50 and all the reasons why you are a good person, you can say, 'oh, that's interesting; I haven't thought of that.'"
How to Agree with the Abuser 101
Best practice is to appear disinterested and apathetic - the abuser wants to create chaos. We want you to create distance between yourself and the abuse so that you can create safety for yourself. Here are some phrases (along with a disinterested, apathetic impression) to use when you're "agreeing quickly" with the abuser:

* Huh, that's interesting. I'll look into it.
* I hadn't really given that much thought - thanks.
* That may be true.
* Fair enough.
* Very interesting. I appreciate your thought.
* I will definitely give that more thought.
* That may be valid.
* All opinions are generally worth consideration.
* I will consider that.
* Yeah, you may be right.

Apathetic Agreement Quashes Chaotic Arguments
Your apathetic, disinterested "agreement" is a great way to quash his attempts at arguing with you.

The word salad, gaslighting, intimidation, and other abusive tactics that come up when abusers "argue" with victims can be extremely damaging. A quick, apathetic agreement is a great way to "douse the fire" and create an opportunity for you to get a safe distance from the abuser.
"I'm not mad or upset. There's no fight. They love a fight, and they also love it when you do what they want. So they're trying to manipulate you into doing what they want you to do. But if you're not going to do that, then they will enjoy the chaos of an argument."

Anne Blythe, founder of BTR.ORG
BTR.ORG Is Here For You
You don't have to do this alone. Consider attending a BTR.ORG Group Session today.
Full Transcript:
Anne (00:00):
Welcome to BTR.ORG. This is Anne. It's just me again today. It's just like a bunch of just I and me. Why am I talking about myself in the third person? That's crazy. Okay, so there is a scripture that I love and it is in Matthew five. It's part of the Sermon on the Mount. It's Matthew 5 25, and Jesus shares with us, "Agree with thine adversary quickly while thou are in the way with him, less than any time the adversary deliver the judge and the judge deliver the to the officer, and thou shall be cast into prison." Okay, so let's talk about that in terms of our day today.

(03:53):
So this agree with adversary quickly is a strategic way of dealing with someone who wants to hurt you in this scripture. This is someone who they want to imprison you. When it comes to abusers, they want to oppress you. They're going to say things to you to manipulate you. So I gave one example before, which was I was at a singles event and there was a man who wanted me to engage with him. He wanted me to flirt with him and stuff,