Welcome back to the Look and Sound of Leadership, an ongoing series of executive

coaching tips designed to help you be perceived in the workplace the way you

want to be perceived. I'm Tom Henschel, your executive coach, and today

we're talking about building rapport. Marlena, an experienced entertainment executive, was definitely not getting the results she wanted.

She'd been put in charge of a talented group of animators, but although she was personable and energetic, she couldn't seem to build relationships

with them. They weren't merely avoiding her. They were going around her to her boss and

complaining about her loudly.

The situation crystallized for me one day on our way to a conference room.

Walking toward us was a bearded man wearing a beret and a scarf. That wasn't the only thing I noticed about him. I also

noticed he had the slightly awkward gait and downward gaze of the powerfully introverted.

Marlena stopped and introduced me to him. I watched as she tried to make

small talk with the guy who was one of the animators she had told me about. In response to her

friendly, open-ended questions, his responses were Kurt.

The exchange was uncomfortable at best.

When Marlena and I were finally behind closed doors, she said with exasperation,

Do you see that? That's typical of how they freeze me out. How am I ever going to work with these guys?

I felt the answer to her question would be found in the arena of style.

The animator that I had met in the hallway was slow and thoughtful.

Marlena was fast and action-oriented. The animator seemed to live in a world

of ideas and thoughts. Marlena lived in a world of relationships and talk.

They couldn't have been more different.

For the next several sessions, Marlena and I worked on a technique called matching. Matching is a conscious flexing of your style in order to establish

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