Welcome to the Judge John Hodgman podcast. I'm Bailiff Jesse Thorne. This week we're in chambers with a docket declare. Hi, Judge Hodgman.

Oh, hi, Jesse. How are you?

I'm okay. I could use a good unguit.

I happened to have prepared one for you. It's a podcast, unguit.

We were just discussing unguitants, unguits before we went on the air. That's what happened.

Just to fill in everyone who's not inside or inside joke here.

There are there are new sponsor, unguits. Better, better than ointments, suck itself.

And, you know, after and poltuses, you're dead to me.

If anyone would like to get a special podcast, unguit, a soothing cooling preparation prepared by me, your judge, personally in chambers,

simply put your forehead to your podcasting streaming device now.

And I'm going to send one through to you. This is a podcast, unguit.

You're going to find it calming, centering, refreshing, and renewing.

There are no medical benefits. And anytime you touch something to your forehead, you absolve me of any of any accidents you might have,

or any physical ailments you might get from touching things to your forehead. So don't sue me. Are you ready?

Okay, here we go, listeners.

Mmm.

Now, you may not have been able to hear that. Only certain enlightened people can.

You can also wales.

Exactly.

You can hear miles away, hundreds of miles away.

Wales that are moving so fast that they create a doppler effect. That's what that sounded like to those who are truly enlightened.

And if you did hear it, then welcome to the podcast. If you did not hear it, turn it off. You're going to get nothing from this, because you're not ready yet.

...