Berner Phone #97: It Shouldn't Be Awkward

Berner Phone

Hannah Berner and Des Bishop

Stand-up, Comedy

4.4 • 5.6K Ratings

🗓️ 30 June 2025

⏱️ 82 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

There are many things in life that shouldn't be awkward like waiting in line and sitting in traffic, but somehow our brains trick us into thinking we're embarassing ourselves. The dialers are sharing the random moments that make then feel awkward in public.

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Transcript

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0:00.0	Hi, it's Hannah Burner and Des Bishop.
0:04.7	Thanks for calling the burner phone.
0:06.6	If you leave a message after the tone, we may have to make it into a podcast.
0:14.7	Hello, it's mom and dad, because I'm a mom.
0:18.0	It's kitten central here.
0:20.0	You're supposed to say Mamasita?
0:21.8	Mamma Cita.
0:22.6	Oh, sorry.
0:24.7	Do you want to do it again?
0:26.1	I'm a mom.
0:27.7	Mamacita?
0:29.0	No, like a real mom.
0:30.9	Like I'm a mommy.
0:32.5	No, I'm a mommy.
0:34.6	That was actually exact and we should win an Oscar for that performance um you guys i don't know what
0:41.4	happened but does let me foster three kittens let me sounds so like patriarchal true and. And that's not what happened.
0:55.6	He wanted to.
0:57.7	Yeah, I'm a fan of fostering kittens to help them be socialized.
1:02.8	And, you know, I was also wanted to curious to see if butter would soften up around.
1:10.0	Like, like maybe see if there was a hint of giving her life purpose like she might be like I'm a mommy I'm a mommy okay so this is what happened with butter the kittens are in like this tent in a room oh yeah and we keep three kittens with three of. And we keep them there because they want to get used to their space. But we're supposed to socialize them. So pick them up. Our jobs. Pets also are getting like modern parenting gear. Yeah. Like I feel like this type of pen. It's like we have a toddler. Yeah. Like pet gear is really updated. It has. But our job is literally just to like love them and show them affection so they get socialized to love humans. We have a camera for their bed and we. When they cry. I get an alarm. I get an alarm if they've moving around. So butter. What's the word for the kid thing? Oh. Oh my God. We are not the audience.
2:06.6	We are not the audience. But watch how annoying we are if we have kids of all the technology.
2:12.7	I'll be like my Sherper-Durp isn't working. So Butter's doing her nighttime routine.
	...

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