I also wonder if there's a correlation between shame and addiction.

I find it.

Oh, 100%.

So when we look at shame, so again, like shame is, we can only stay connected to shame for a few moments.

There's scientific studies where they're looking at people with their shame.

And like we to acknowledge it, it's like we're there and we're like

hot potato yeah to really stay in shame and and when we're talking about shame you know we're

talking about toxic shame so it's not even real all of toxic shame there's healthy shame which is

more akin to like guilt right a toxic shame is a distortion that we tell ourselves in order to preserve our relationship.

Always.

Right, right.

And so it's not even real, and we get into it, and it's so overwhelming.

And then, so that in itself, yes, like addiction can be trying to get away from the shame, but underneath the shame, like when we're doing the healing work.

And we're really saying, okay, well, why is the distortion there? What's trying to be protected?

It's always grief. It's heartbreak.

I'm John Kim, a licensed therapist who used to be a miserable fuck before going on a hero's journey and turning expired relationships into revelations.

I use my story to help others come with you instead of at you, unrehearsed on purpose, because self-help doesn't have to be polished or complicated.

Just honest.

Rebecca, before we begin, I got to tell you about my outfit. Okay, listen, so I was in New York and I came across these shorts. They're like thin, amazing, Phoenix type of Bermuda shorts. And I came across these shorts. They're like thin, amazing,

Phoenix type of Bermuda shorts.

And I thought, wow, perfect for Costa Rica.

But the thing is, you can't buy these alone.

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