Welcome back to the Look and Sound of Leadership, an ongoing series of

executive coaching tips designed to help you be perceived in the workplace

the way you want to be perceived. I'm Tom Henschel, your executive coach, and today

we're talking about asking for what you want. Ariana and I had been working together

for four months when a terrific opportunity opened up.

Her company was creating a cross-functional team to develop three new products that would carry

it into the next decade.

We both felt she deserved to be on the team, but would the

selection committee think she was ready for such a high-profile role?

Ariana's lack of visibility was the major obstacle we were working to overcome in her coaching. Her senior

leaders wanted her to advocate for herself more often and more naturally. This

new opportunity would test everything she and I had been working on.

Raised in Eastern Europe, she heard the phrase,

The nail that sticks up gets pounded down a thousand times as a child.

That constant admonition to conform had turned her into a student with exceptional grades

and a profile that was under the radar.

In spite of her good grades, top honors often went to lesser students with higher profiles.

She turned her disappointments inward, telling herself she'd get her due if she would just

work even harder.

She became compulsive, toiling endless hours always with her head down and her lips

sealed. But the same results continued and her disappointments grew larger. By the time I met her she was only 38 but she had

physical ailments usually found in people much older. In our coaching I kept

...