Welcome back to the Look and Sound of Leadership, an ongoing series of executive

coaching tips designed to help you be perceived in the workplace the way you want

to be perceived. I'm Tom Henschel, your executive coach, and today we're talking

about choosing the impression you make. A client recently got some tough

feedback from his four-year-old daughter in the form of a question.

While he was absorbed in a report from work, his little girl asked,

Daddy, why are you angry?

One reason I like this guy is because he's open to feedback.

He responded by asking her a question.

Do you think I'm angry?

Well, she said without hesitation, you look angry.

For months he had been struggling to understand the feedback he'd gotten from his staff.

He perceived himself as encouraging and positive and enthusiastic, but his feedback revealed

words like intense and serious and downbeat. This mismatch between his self-image and his feedback troubled him.

His daughter's question gave him the aha he'd been seeking.

His insight?

When he's lost in thought, he scowls. And that makes him appear angry since this guy spends a lot of

time lost in thought it was no wonder his team experienced him as intense this

story illustrates the concept I call neutral.

Neutral is the impression you make on others when you're absorbed in what you're

doing. You think you're just glancing through a report or answering

an email or pouring a cup of coffee? Think again. Chances are someone is experiencing

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