Welcome back to the Look and Sound of Leadership, an ongoing series of executive

coaching tips designed to help you be perceived in the workplace the way you want

to be perceived. I'm Tom Henschel, your executive coach, and today we're

talking about discussing difficult behavior. Myra is Chief Operating Officer at a firm that creates massive art installations.

She was hired to bring order to what had been a freewheeling artistic organization that repeatedly ran over budget and behind schedule.

During our first coaching session, Myra asked if I could help her with Tim, the CFO.

Every time I tell him an idea, Myra said,

he ends up yelling that I'm ruining the company's spirit

and he storms out.

The next day, he acts like nothing happened and says my idea is great.

She continued with resignation. I hate the way he treats me, but everyone says he's always been that way.

It feels pointless to talk to him about it.

Besides, it's not exactly a conversation I'm dying to have.

I told her that speaking up for herself

and addressing Tim's behavior directly felt like an important action for her to

take if she could do it respectfully. With a bitter laugh she said, even if I'm a saint I

bet it won't be long before he storms out of that conversation. Maybe not I

said if you're well prepared. Okay she said so what happens you prep me and then I just wait for him to start doing his thing?

That was when I told Myra Rule Number One about discussing difficult behavior.

Have the discussion when the behavior is not happening.

Discussing someone's behavior while they're actually displaying the behavior is like trying to change a tire while the car is going 70 miles an hour.

You might be able to do it, but your chances of success are very

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