The following podcast is a Dear Media production.

Welcome to the Absolutely Not podcast, where we do the most and the least at this same damn time.

I'm your host, Heather McMahon. Hello, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to another episode of the

Absolutely Not podcast. I'm your host, Heather McMahon. If you could see me now, I'm dressed like such a cute

lesbian. It's unbelievable. I have on a cool kind of mavy, light pink, striped button-down golf shirt

from J.W. Anderson and the Uniclow collab that I bought in Japan. I have on a pair of frame, straight denim. Can't see on

YouTube because my hips are too tight for me to pull my leg up. And I'm wearing a very cute pair

of reflective kind of patent leather Nike Air Maxes. And I've got my fancy watch that I bought

on. And I was walking out of the house,

and I put on my cool kind of pewter, light blue barber jacket

that I also bought in Japan.

And my mom looked at me and was like,

you look like you're surgeon for pussy.

And I said, I do.

So I'm just, I just want you to know if you can visualize it.

I am truly like cool, calm, collected lesbian today. And I'm feeling it. I'm feeling it. And I always thought that if I started to date women at any point in my later, later life, I would definitely be super femme because that is me. But I got to be honest with you, I am so relaxed. And I was driving, listening to

Jamaraquai on the way to the office today, and I have my watch like, you know, I kind of

kids a reflection of myself. Now, mind you, I have a full drag beat, lashes, full gloss,

highlighter, bronzer, contour, and a beautiful soft blowout.

And I got a little glimpse of myself in this men's shirt that I bought in Japan because that's the only size that would fit.

And I was just like, okay, ladies, stop.

Don't all call me at once.

...