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Our core psycho-biological drive as human beings is to establish secure connection from birth until death,

especially in childhood we establish secure connection for soothing,

protection, emotional regulation, and optimal development, all of which is entirely reliant upon how

securely connected with a parent or both parents. When we get secure attachment, which means somebody who's reliably available and attentive

and interested in how what we're experiencing and feeling and someone who's soothing in the very

presence they're not too anxious or emotionally dead they're actually mirroring

in a soothing way.

They can indicate that they understand how we feel,

but they can also buy their looks,

their body language, their quality of their voice or touch,

they can soothe us, and also they're appreciative.

They appreciate our developmental growth in milestones.

And we know that when we get that, we develop what some therapists call object constancy or others call a secure base.

They mean both the same thing, essentially, that felt sense that even when we are alone as infants there's a sense that there is somebody

available who will take care of us and help us recover from scary events or

from difficulties with peers and so forth.

And when we have that sense of there's somebody there to help nurture and help us make sense

...