471. The Psychology of Power - How to Reclaim Your Power Without Controlling Others

Do You F*cking Mind?

Alexis Fernandez-Preiksa - Neuroscientist and Mindset Coach

Education, Self-improvement, Health & Fitness, Mental Health

4.9 • 914 Ratings

🗓️ 8 February 2026

⏱️ 41 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

How to Reclaim Your Power Without Controlling Anyone

In this episode, I break down the psychology behind control. Why we try to manage other people’s behaviour, emotions, and choices, and how that quietly drains our power, peace, and sense of self.

We talk about:

Why trying to control others makes you feel more powerless, not less
How victim mentality keeps you dependent on other people’s energy and validation
The ways control shows up as guilt, emotional pressure, or “needs”
Why boundaries are about your behaviour and not changing someone else’s
How letting go of control reduces anxiety and emotional exhaustion
Why focusing only on yourself feels uncomfortable but creates real change
How to stop feeling guilty, indebted, or responsible for other people’s emotions
The mindset shift that helps you reclaim your power without force, manipulation, or emotional labour

This episode is for anyone who feels drained by relationships, stuck in cycles of guilt or resentment, or exhausted from trying to hold everything together.

You don’t need more control.
You need your power back.

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Transcript

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0:00.0	Hello, beautiful beans and welcome to the podcast episode of today.
0:14.1	So in today's episode, we're going to be talking about how to gain more control in your life
0:18.9	while actually relinquishing the need to control other
0:22.4	people. And you're going to realize that so many things are going to happen when you learn how
0:27.3	to do this. Number one, you actually will find everything is more in your control, the trajectory
0:31.8	of your life, how you tackle your goals, how you tackle, you know, habit formation and creation,
0:37.0	your happiness, your overall peace, your levels of anxiety you tackle, you know, habit formation and creation, your happiness,
0:38.0	your overall peace, your levels of anxiety and how to like really keep that under control.
0:42.7	And also you will realize that your relationships get a whole lot better.
0:47.7	The things that you clinged on to thinking that you need actually changes, your priorities
0:52.1	change. It's just going to be such a beneficial episode
0:55.2	for you. So for absolutely everybody. And when I was planning this episode, I could see how I've
1:01.0	implemented these things and learned to kind of use these tools more and more and more in my life.
1:06.3	And the times that I really lean into this, the better it gets and the better that I feel.
1:10.5	Okay. Now, I'm going to move into a little life update. Also, for the person that commented on my podcast the other day, saying that the first five minutes of the episode was totally unnecessary and they thought that I was going to dive straight into the topic who doesn't like my life updates. There is such thing as a fast forward button. You should learn how to use it. It will save you the time and effort of commenting those kinds of things.
1:30.0	Anyway, life update, for those of you that don't like it, go ahead and fast forward.
1:35.1	The live show, guys.
1:36.5	The live show was unbelievable.
1:38.9	I loved it.
1:40.1	I love you guys.
1:41.0	The VIP, we did a VIP kind of meet and greet before the show and then we
1:46.6	did drinks with the VIPs. After the show, I got to chat with you guys. I got to really like hear
	...

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