449. Coaching Hotline: Obsessing Over Sexual & Romantic Rejections
UnF*ck Your Brain: Feminist Self-Help for Everyone
Kara Loewentheil
4.6 • 5.5K Ratings
🗓️ 16 December 2025
⏱️ 11 minutes
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Summary
When you’re replaying a breakup, imagining a different version of yourself your partner might have loved more, or worrying that someone is “settling,” the problem isn’t the relationship, it’s the way your brain is using other people’s opinions to try to regulate your self-worth.
In this Coaching Hotline episode, I answer two listener questions about rejection and attraction that illustrate how quickly your mind will outsource your value to someone else’s thoughts. I break down why your brain becomes so invested in mental rehearsals, fantasies, and what-ifs, and how those patterns keep you from seeing your actual emotional life clearly.
Submit your own question here and it might get answered on a future episode: unfuckyourbrain.com/coachinghotline
Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: schoolofnewfeministthought.com/449
Follow along on Instagram: instagram.com/karaloewentheil/
Mentioned in this episode:
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Join me for my brand new program, A Confident Life, January 12 – December 8, 2026. Over the course of a year working with me and other smart dynamic women, you will learn how to deploy the four skills of confidence to create any outcome you want in your life.
Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | Welcome to unfuck your brain. I'm your host Kara Lowentile, master-certified coach, and founder of the School of New Feminist Thought. I'm here to help you turn down your anxiety, turn up your confidence, and create a life on your own terms, one that you're truly excited to live. |
| 0:21.3 | Let's go. |
| 0:24.8 | Welcome to this week's coaching hotline episode where I answer real questions from real listeners |
| 0:31.2 | and coach you from afar. |
| 0:33.6 | If you want to submit your question for consideration, go to unfuck your brain.com forward slash |
| 0:39.5 | coaching hotline, all one word, or text your email to plus one 347-997-1784. |
| 0:48.0 | And when you get prompted for the code word, it's coaching hotline, all one word. |
| 0:52.6 | Let's get into this week's questions. |
| 0:55.6 | Here's the first question for this week. |
| 0:58.0 | Hi, Kara, I am a woman of size. |
| 0:59.9 | I'm 5-11 and 250 pounds, technically obese. |
| 1:03.7 | My partner's the same height and is not overweight. |
| 1:06.9 | Okay, well, first of all, that's just why BMI is stupid. |
| 1:10.8 | But before I began dating him, he shared with me that he preferred petite women. |
| 1:15.7 | I cannot stop thinking about this now that we're in a relationship. |
| 1:19.0 | He did admit to me that he would be more sexually attracted to me if I lost weight, |
| 1:22.9 | but claims to love me just the way I am and wants to spend the rest of his life with me. |
| 1:26.9 | He felt very guilty |
| 1:27.9 | for admitting it and to be honest, we have a really good relationship otherwise. How can I create |
| 1:32.3 | thoughts that help me believe that he is not disgusted by me and is just settling on me? |
| 1:36.7 | Okay. So I love this question just because the question answer has managed to get her partner |
| 1:44.1 | to admit the thing that she fears is true. |
... |
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