448. How Your Fantasy Self Can Lead You Astray
UnF*ck Your Brain: Feminist Self-Help for Everyone
Kara Loewentheil
4.6 • 5.5K Ratings
🗓️ 11 December 2025
⏱️ 22 minutes
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Summary
When you imagine yourself in the future, what do you see? Are you meditating at 5 a.m. before diving into the picture-perfect morning routine? Are you living by the beach with a business that makes money while you sleep? Are you making holiday cookies with your kids without ever spilling flour all over the floor?
In this episode, I'm breaking down a crucial distinction that most self-help exercises about connecting to your future self completely miss: the difference between your future self and your fantasy self. You'll learn specific ways to check whether you're connecting to a helpful future self who has actual advice about your growth, or if you're indulging in a fantasy that keeps you stuck.
Learn more about A Confident Life here: schoolofnewfeministthought.com/aconfidentlife/
Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: schoolofnewfeministthought.com/448
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Mentioned in this episode:
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Join me for my brand new program, A Confident Life, January 12 – December 8, 2026. Over the course of a year working with me and other smart dynamic women, you will learn how to deploy the four skills of confidence to create any outcome you want in your life.
Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | When you imagine yourself in the future, what do you see? Are you meditating at 5 a.m. before diving |
| 0:06.8 | into the picture-perfect morning routine? Are you living by the beach with lazy mornings and a business |
| 0:12.8 | that makes money while you sleep? Are you making holiday cookies with your kids without |
| 0:16.7 | ever losing your shit or spilling flour all over the floor. These are all appealing visions. |
| 0:22.6 | But when you imagine these idyllic scenes, are you imagining your future self or your fantasy |
| 0:28.1 | self? It's a crucial difference, and most self-help exercises about connecting to your future |
| 0:33.4 | self don't even acknowledge this trap. So in today's episode, we're going to dive into what |
| 0:38.6 | the difference is between your future self and your fantasy self and how to know which one you're |
| 0:43.3 | talking to when you set your goals. Welcome to unfuck your brain. I'm your host Kara Lowenthal, |
| 0:50.5 | master certified coach, and founder of the School of New Fist Thub. I'm here to help you turn down your |
| 0:57.0 | anxiety, turn up your confidence, and create a life on your own terms, one that you're truly |
| 1:02.6 | excited to live. Let's go. I've been teaching women how to connect to their future self since I became a coach. |
| 1:12.4 | Your future self is an incredibly powerful concept. |
| 1:15.5 | It helps you set goals and figure out how to achieve them. |
| 1:18.7 | It's setting the GPS on your self-development and your growth so you know where you're going. |
| 1:23.6 | And it's a way of accessing deeper wisdom and self-leadership that's already there in your brain, |
| 1:28.4 | but is usually drowned out by your daily concerns and self-doubt and nervous system activation in the moment. |
| 1:34.8 | But over the almost decade I've been teaching this tool, I've come to see that there's an easy |
| 1:38.9 | slippage that can happen when you try to imagine your future self. |
| 1:42.8 | And that is that you can very easily imagine your fantasy self instead imagine your future self. And that is that you can very easily imagine your |
| 1:45.5 | fantasy self instead of your future self. Your fantasy self is a perfect version of you that you think |
| 1:52.6 | you're supposed to be. She follows her meal plan to the letter. She keeps her inbox at zero. |
... |
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