431. Coaching Hotline: When To Speak Up and How
UnF*ck Your Brain: Feminist Self-Help for Everyone
Kara Loewentheil
4.6 • 5.5K Ratings
🗓️ 14 October 2025
⏱️ 13 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
Other people are going to make choices you don’t agree with - your partner won’t go to therapy, your family says things that clash with your values, your friends act in ways that frustrate you. The real question isn’t how to change them - it’s how you’re going to show up for yourself when faced with choices you don’t like.
In this Coaching Hotline episode, I answer two listener questions that get right to the heart of accepting other people’s autonomy. I share why trying to control someone else’s choices only creates suffering, how to support yourself first, and how to decide what you’re actually willing to live with. You’ll learn how to speak up when it matters, let go when it doesn’t, and manage your own mind so you can stay grounded without burning out trying to fix people who aren’t ready to change.
Submit your own question here and it might get answered on a future episode: unfuckyourbrain.com/coachinghotline
Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: schoolofnewfeministthought.com/431
Follow along on Instagram: instagram.com/karaloewentheil/
Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | Welcome to unfuck your brain. I'm your host Kara Lowentile, master-certified coach, and founder of the School of New Feminist Thought. I'm here to help you turn down your anxiety, turn up your confidence, and create a life on your own terms, one that you're truly excited to live. |
| 0:21.3 | Let's go. |
| 0:24.8 | Welcome to this week's coaching hotline episode where I answer real questions from real listeners |
| 0:31.2 | and coach you from afar. |
| 0:33.6 | If you want to submit your question for consideration, go to unfuck your brain.com forward slash |
| 0:39.5 | coaching hotline, all one word, or text your email to plus one 347-997-1784. |
| 0:48.0 | And when you get prompted for the code word, it's coaching hotline, all one word. |
| 0:52.6 | Let's get into this week's questions. |
| 0:55.6 | Two different questions this week that are about dealing with other people and when they |
| 1:00.6 | won't agree with us or do what we want. |
| 1:02.5 | So here's the first question. |
| 1:04.5 | Hello, I have bipolar disorder, which I take medication for and have been stable for years. |
| 1:09.3 | And my primary partner, who I moved in with two |
| 1:11.7 | months ago, has mentioned that he thinks he might also have bipolar disorder. Additionally, my secondary |
| 1:16.5 | partner, who lives in a different state than me, so I haven't seen in a while, has mentioned |
| 1:20.7 | that he has, undiagnosed, OCD, PTSD, anxiety, and depression. Do you have any tips for managing |
| 1:26.9 | my mind around people you love not |
| 1:28.5 | wanting to seek professional help or how to support people with mental health issues? |
| 1:32.8 | Okay. So it's a great question and those are kind of two different questions. You know, the first |
| 1:37.2 | thing, right, is it sounds to me like what you're saying is that neither of these partners have |
| 1:41.7 | actually gotten diagnosed, right? These are their self-diagnoses, which may be correct, maybe incorrect. It's just number one, because you ask |
| 1:49.4 | how to support people with mental health issues, and it's not totally clear from this question |
... |
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