Welcome to unfuck your brain. I'm your host Kara Lowentile, master-certified coach, and founder of the School of New Feminist Thought. I'm here to help you turn down your anxiety, turn up your confidence, and create a life on your own terms, one that you're truly excited to live.

Let's go.

Welcome to this week's coaching hotline episode where I answer real questions from real listeners

and coach you from afar.

If you want to submit your question for consideration, go to unfuck your brain.com forward slash

coaching hotline, all one word, or text your email to plus one 347-997-1784. And when you get

prompted for the code word, it's coaching hotline, all one word. Let's get into this week's questions.

So this week's questions are both kind of about our relationships with other people.

Here's the first one. How do I stop being so angry with my romantic interest for his lack of availability?

I woke up fighting mad this morning, Kara, just fighting mad. This just makes me think of like a rooster waking up mad. 5 a.m. 2 hours before my alarm clock, my thoughts are waking me up. I'm angry that he's not available. I'm angry that when I try to end things with him, he puts up a big fight over days, makes it very clear he wants me, but when I'm quote unquote in his life, I barely see him. I want him. I do.

At this point, I have chosen him. I can reevaluate that decision later, but constantly questioning it was not helpful to me, so I stopped thinking about it. I just don't know how to choose him without thinking I'm compromising my present for a maybe better future. He's told me that dating isn't a priority to him that his family's business and his music career is. I want to be the kind of partner that can handle being with someone ambitious. I don't believe dating should be a priority in people's lives, yet for some reason I'm making it a priority in mind. Okay, this is a great question. There's a lot going on here. Here's the first thing. You have not chosen him because you have not chosen the him that he

is, which is the him that is not available as much as you want. Like, I don't know how often he's available.

Let's say it's once a month or once a week, whatever it is. If it's once a month, you have not

chosen him because what you've done is decide, I want to be with him, but I'm not going to

accept the reality of how available he is.

You're emotionally resisting it, so you have not actually accepted it. So don't tell yourself that you've chosen him. You've chosen a different version of him that you wish existed. Right? You've chosen him with an asterisk.

You've chosen him with, but I'm still mad. That's not choosing him. Now, I'm not saying you

should choose him. That's totally up to you. But don't lie to yourself about having chosen him

being all in. You're not all in. You haven't chosen him with his priorities. You don't like that. You don't like his priorities.

So that's number one. Just don't lie to yourself about that. Number two, I don't know how to choose

him about thinking I'm compromising my present for a maybe better future. So he's not compromising your

present. Your thoughts are.

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