3964: Epic Fury, or: What Does He Do Now?: Keith’s Smart Responses to Your Stupid Relationship Thoughts

Keith and The Girl

Keith Malley

Chemda, Funny, Girl, Selfhelp, Health & Fitness, Mental Health, Comedy, Katg, Mentalhealth, Keith

4.7 • 1.8K Ratings

🗓️ 5 March 2026

⏱️ 73 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

It’s Keith solo, and he finds you explaining why ListenerLiz left him to be nothing short of fascinating. He’s also writing this description himself, and youse are fuckin’ weird! Anyway, Keith also discusses the U.S. and Israel attacking Iran and Paramount buying Warner Bros. to create one of the largest state-run media outlets known to man. Get ready to laugh and laugh!

Transcript

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0:00.0	Welcome to Keith and the Girl. I'm Keith Malley. I just woke up from a depression nap,
0:09.4	masturbated, something I probably wasn't supposed to. It's legal. It's legal what I'm doing,
0:14.9	but anyways, I haven't been feeling very funny lately. But then I'm like, come on, the people need a show. They got their own problems. We got to chair them up. So I'm like, all right, Keith, just start the show. Come in hot. It'll take itself from there. Then I go to hit record. I'm like, welcome to Keith and the... Oh, fuck, something's not connected all of a sudden.
0:54.3	Not a wire, just, you know, the ones in zeros that you got to reset. I'm like, all right. Take two. Coming in hot. Here we go. Welcome to the... Bring! This is this guy, Chris, that'll tell you about later. Not a Chris you would have heard of, but... Oh my god, this fucking got.
0:55.7	Yes, you, Chris.
0:57.4	Then I go, all right.
1:14.8	Take three. Now, if this happened during the show, it wouldn't be a big deal, but I'm just out the gate, you know? Did you see the video online some time ago, and it was, it was like kids bike racing, but like dangerous bike racing, where it has the gate and that drops and you got to fucking go as fast as you can.
1:18.4	A little beeper goes off, beep, the same time they drop the gate and you speed out. This mom in the stands goes, beep, and a kid hits the gate and just fucking flips over.
1:25.8	She's like, uh, sorry, sorry. That's what these fake starts were. I go, all right, here we go. Take three. Welcome to Keith and the girl. Bring, I'm like, how Facebook could fucking call you? I guess I knew that. What the fuck? So I got to mute somebody for the first time since I ever had Facebook. All right.
1:44.8	Take four.
1:47.5	Well, it's your alarm.
1:48.7	You wanted to do a show by now.
1:49.8	Motherfucker.
1:51.7	All right.
1:52.4	It's take five.
1:53.3	How's everybody doing?
1:54.0	You first.
1:55.1	Well, I collect myself.
1:58.3	My buddy Josh Rogers wrote me last night.
2:01.0	He's a fantastic fucking artist.
2:06.1	Mushfacecom.com. You've heard us talking about him before. Did a lot of stuff with Keith and the Girl. He's fucking fantastic. I'm looking right now at this older comic he made,
2:10.8	Captain Mushface Mush in Space. On the back, there we are. Is Josh Rogers, says Keith
	...

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