What's the perfect starting lineup for a gold digger?

The best thing that they could do in that circumstance is get knocked up.

Because if you have a kid with somebody, buckle up.

You're strapped in with that person for at least 18.

Yeah, that's why I'm pissed I'm a guy, dude.

Because if I was, if I was reversed, I would be getting cummed in consistently.

Oh, you'd be getting paid from it.

After we're doing this interview, I'm going to have you step aside out of all this. I'm going to take a screenshot of all of these books so I can use it for my Zoom backgrounds. It's a great idea. It makes you look like a scholarly learned fellow. Anytime I watch the news, which is never, but anytime I'm watching the news and there's someone that's talking with no books behind them, I'm like, get the fuck off the screen. I don't want to see your idiot kid and your nanny coming by and

scooping your kid out of frame. I don't want to see books that you for sure didn't read. And we

know that you chat, CheapT, everything. First question. What I think is actually cooler is when

people have books and I find myself like wanting to scroll in and see what the books are. And then the books are just some shit you should not be proud of having on the shelf behind you. Yes. Someone's like a purported, you know, Ph.D. in psychology. And you look at it, you're like, that's the da Vinci code by Dan Brown like who

what are you why do you have 50 shades of gray it's clear for the big red dog operating manual

for a Tishiba fax machine from 19 yeah those I still have that one's good it does look like if

you took one of the books and went like this the entire thing would open there'd just be a bunch

of like just really wild sex. Like a weird sex dungeon. Yes, it's the same thing. When I pull this one, it opens and the gimp comes right out and it's a whole thing. That's why we don't pull that one. The funny part is, is when I can't remember which one it is and it's time to feed him,

because then I try to pull it. I'm like, you know what? I don't know what to tell you.

You know what I mean? But you want to keep your gimp lean, you know, because they don't fit in the crate otherwise. It's a problem. And OZempic is expensive. So you do it the It really is. Yeah, I'm not stunted. We don't have a comprehensive medical plan at the firm.

So, and he's on the payroll, you know, so.

That's good. James, I would love to ask you, what is the pettiest thing, and I'm sure you've answered this before, what is the pettiest thing you've seen somebody taking a divorce case or claim custody over? That's a great question. I've seen so much pettiness. It's like the Olympics of pettiness. I would have to. This is exactly the kind of question I knew would come from this pod. So I'm really excited for this. I knew. I was like, they're going to ask questions that are so different than the ones that I'm used to getting asked to. Yes. I could not. I was so excited for this. Yeah, yeah. Or do you have like, maybe petty meaning like, what's the most bizarre thing that somebody was like, I need to have custody over this? I'm not giving this out. Yeah. Yeah. So, I mean, people collect weird shit. I mean, people collect weird shit. So that's one thing. Like, people have collections of the weirdest thing. I got what a bottle cap collection? Like as a virgin, how is he married? Yeah. If you have a bottle cap collection, you've had sex one time and it's with yourself. If you ever had a blow job, sir. Do you know? Because if you would, you would be like, what is this with bottle caps? You just... Or maybe he's a weirdo and shoved bottle caps in his asshole. He could be into that stuff. That's someoakry, the dirt level stuff. Yeah. No, he definitely was a weird one. I've had people that weaponize weird things. Like, I've had pet custody is a big thing right now where people, you know, like, sometimes you have two people, they both love the dog more than they loved each other, so they're having a genuine fight about it.

But more often than not, the dog can't talk and the dog can't talk and tell you who's a good parent and who's not.

Yeah, exactly.

trying to put peanut butter on their body parts.

...