My job is to somehow make them curious enough or persuade them by hook or crow to get more aware of themselves and where they came from and what they are into and what is already there.

Just to bring it out. This is what

compels me to compel them. And I will do it by whatever means necessary. Welcome to the Black

Girls Hill podcast where we talk about healing our intimacy disorders and resolve trauma

and building a healthy relationship with first ourselves and then

others. Every episode, we will talk about advice you can apply today to break unhealthy patterns

and grow in your self-work. I'm Sheena Lachay, love addiction coach and trauma specialist.

Let's begin.

Here's how to reclaim your time if you had been in a relationship or a series of relationships

that have left you heartbroken, drained, and doubting if love is actually a thing that you can

have. So many of us find ourselves in this pattern where we think we've broken the cycle

only to get into another relationship that repeats the same pattern or we find ourselves

in the same relationship month after month, year after year, maybe we stopped talking for a while, but we go right back to it. And when we are finally ready to break free or we've already broken free, we are now grieving the time that we have lost. We look at the months, the years, the days of what could or could or should have been. And as happy as we are to finally be free of that or potentially be free of that, what stops us from moving forward is the guilt around this, the shame around it, or maybe just being frozen, calculating where we could have been if things were different. And that freezes us in place. So for today, we're going to talk about how to move past that so that you can get the life relationships that you want. My qualifications to help you with this. I'm a therapist by trade. I have been a recovering love

addict since 2013. I've broken out of those cycles and I've helped hundreds if not thousands of

women break out of those cycles as well. So let's talk about it. So I'm going to give you three ways

to break out of this cycle of being frozen looking at the lost time. And the first one is

some tough love. The first one is to stop spending time feeling sorry for yourself. I am all for

feeling all the emotions that you need to feel. I'm all for grieving. I'm all for owning everything

that you need to feel, to process, to work through, to get to the other side. But many of us have been feeling that for a long period of time. Like I said, we are actually knocking ourselves over the head with what could have been, what should have been, what I should have said, how didn't I see what was going on, what could have been, maybe I should have given this person a chance, I should listen to my mama when she said this. I should have

stayed true to my boundaries and my standards. All of these things. And none of these things help you.

The only day that you have right now is the present. And yes, we can look back and learn from what

happened before. We can see in hindsight, which is always 2020. But if that's not helping propel you

...