#3156 If I Ever Had A Pet Raccoon, I'd Make It Wear Mittens

TBTL: Too Beautiful To Live

TBTL

Leisure, Comedy

4.8 • 2.3K Ratings

🗓️ 6 May 2020

⏱️ 68 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Luke is obsessed with a story about NBA players who don’t have access to basketball hoops during quarantine times. And Andrew’s bold hot take on raccoons turns out to be tepid at best.

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Transcript

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0:00.0	You know, everything is not an anecdote. You have to discriminate.
0:03.4	You choose things that are funny, or mildly amusing, or interesting.
0:08.9	You're a miracle. Your stories have none of that.
0:12.5	They're not even amusing accidentally.
0:15.9	It's like going on a date with a chatty, Kathy doll.
0:19.7	I expect you have a little string on your chest.
0:21.7	You know that I pull out and have to snap back.
0:24.2	Except I wouldn't pull it out and snap it back, you would.
0:26.4	Ah, ah, ah, ah!
0:28.2	And by the way, you know, when you're telling these little stories,
0:31.0	here's a good idea.
0:32.6	Have a point.
0:34.1	It makes it so much more interesting for the listener.
0:36.6	TVTL!
0:39.7	I don't need no fancy introduction.
0:45.8	I'm not Elvis Presley.
0:48.0	Just get on with it.
0:49.2	Objection on the grounds that I'm like, what?
0:52.1	And then to come out here with the smile on your face,
0:54.8	like the world is just beautiful.
0:57.5	I don't understand it.
0:58.9	It bothers me a lot.
	...

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