I really want all of this to be very positive but the truth is some of it

there have been some disappointments and there's also been a lot of like really great things that have happened but

I don't know I've listened to enough people at the 30- mark that I felt like, wait a second, it was all roses, it's all amazing.

So I'm going to share with you today what I have figured out after 30 days of abstaining from alcohol, 30 days of

being alcohol free.

So first I learned that there's a lot of things I was doing that were signs, really signs, that probably when I'm looking back now I should have recognized I

should have been more aware like I should have acknowledged them and I'm

going to share a couple of those with you like so for example, when we would go out to dinner,

Brett and I, if the waiter was filling our glasses,

I was privately determined to drink more than him.

If the waiter put, you know, refilled his glass and my glass and his glass had a little bit more than mine,

I would swap them. And he would laugh when we'd make a joke about it, but like every little sip mattered.

I would be hyper aware of how much everyone else was drinking at the table.

Like so if we went out with friends or whatever,

if no one was the first to say like,

okay, so do you guys want to get a drink?

You know, because that's usually how it goes.

It's not an automatic assumption. Sometimes it's like,

should we get a bottle? You know what I mean? But I always waited for the other couple to make that suggestion,

but inside, I could feel like hurry let's like come on let's get a

drink to the table I was also hyper aware of how fast everyone else was drinking and what they were drinking.

A little bit of this was to gauge my own, like, okay, so is the rate at which I'm drinking the champagne or wine or whatever is this

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