#295: 3 Mistakes I made Dating as a Love Avoidant

Black Girls Heal

Shena Lashey

Self-improvement, Education, Mental Health, Health & Fitness

4.8 • 1.7K Ratings

🗓️ 3 June 2025

⏱️ 37 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

When I was dating, I made a lot of mistakes related to how I presented in my intimacy disorders. This week, I'm talking about how my love avoidance showed up for me in my relationships.

For me, my personal experience and how that connected to my religious education really amplified a lot of my avoidance which is also discussed.

This episode will not span all of the ways love avoidance can show up in relationships as that as been discussed in previous episodes. But we hope these real experiences will help validate and give solace to the women who need to hear these stories represented.

Resources mentioned in the episode:

Join the BGH's Members Club: blackgirlsheal.org/members
The 4 Step Roadmap to Heal Love Addiction: https://www.blackgirlsheal.org/roadmap
Ready to heal your Love Addiction & Love Avoidance? Join The Recovery School, my signature coaching program to help you become love balanced, love available, and fulfilled: blackgirlsheal.org/love-addiction-recovery
Can’t find a program, freebie, or event mentioned in the podcast? Find the upgraded versions of previously announced programs and their replacements: blackgirlsheal.org/retired

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Transcript

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0:00.0	My job is to somehow make them curious enough or persuade them by hook or crow to get more aware of themselves and where they came from and what they are into and what is already there.
0:20.0	Just to bring it out. This is what
0:22.1	compels me to compel them. And I will do it by whatever means necessary. Welcome to the Black
0:30.2	Girls Hill podcast where we talk about healing our intimacy disorders and resolve trauma
0:35.0	and building a healthy relationship with first ourselves and then others.
0:39.5	Every episode, we will talk about advice you can apply today to bring unhealthy patterns and grow
0:45.1	in your self-work. I'm Sheena Lachay, love addiction coach and trauma specialist. Let's begin.
0:53.8	Hello, hello.
0:55.5	I'm welcome to this week's episode of Black Girls' Heal.
1:00.1	In the last episode, y'all, this is the last episode of our navigating love avoidance
1:04.5	series where I'm pulling out some of my favorite lessons related to the series topic.
1:10.3	And with us looking at love avoidance,
1:12.6	I am pulling way back to episode 100. Episode 100 years ago now, where I did a series where I talked
1:23.0	about different mistakes that I made as a love addict dating. Different mistakes I made as a love
1:29.3	addicts being married. Different mistakes I've made as a love avoidant being married. And today's
1:34.6	episode we're talking about, or I'm sharing with you, three mistakes I made dating as a love
1:40.0	avoidant. So for those of you who don't know, in addition to my therapeutic background, 16 years as a
1:46.3	therapist, 10 years as a coach, I am also the woman that I helped serve. So I was in recovery from
1:54.7	sex and love addiction in the 12-step fellowships of sex and love addicts anonymous and love addicts anonymous, which led me into focusing
2:05.0	on these areas because I didn't know that this was a thing. And even when I found out,
2:12.3	it was a thing. I was like, that's not actually real until I actually learned about it. And I was
2:16.7	like, oh, that's why all of my
	...

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