#253: Perfectionism in Anxious-Avoidant Relationships
On Attachment
Stephanie Rigg
4.9 • 1.2K Ratings
🗓️ 5 May 2026
⏱️ 21 minutes
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Summary
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In today's episode, we're diving deep into perfectionism — and how it can sneak into our relationship dynamics in unhelpful ways. We'll talk about how perfectionism shows up for anxiously attached people, how that differs from folks with avoidant patterns, and what it looks like to release the grip of perfectionism and find greater compassion and acceptance — for ourselves, our partners, and our relationships.
Links
Free resources for anxious attachment
Transcript
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| 0:56.3 | Expedia.com.uk slash visit Scotland. Hey everybody, welcome back to another episode of On Attachment. |
| 1:04.2 | In today's episode, we are talking all about perfectionism and how perfectionism can impact |
| 1:10.1 | our relationship dynamics, both our relationship |
| 1:12.3 | with ourselves, but also how we relate to our partners and how we approach the relationship more |
| 1:17.7 | broadly. Now, I think perfectionism is something that is easy to brush off as a character |
| 1:23.8 | trait or being slightly neurotic, having high standards. But as we're going to talk about |
| 1:29.0 | today, I think there's a lot more to perfectionism than meets the eye. And oftentimes perfectionism |
| 1:34.7 | is an adaptation to an internal and sometimes external environment where we don't feel safe to be |
| 1:41.5 | anything other than perfect. We don't have enough compassion. We don't |
| 1:46.4 | have enough grace. We don't have enough trust in the fact that anything less than perfect will be |
| 1:51.3 | enough. And so it can come from these deeper wounds that we have around unworthiness, around needing |
| 1:56.7 | to earn and prove and strive, feeling generally unsafe and so being very hyper-fixated on |
| 2:03.0 | cracks in the armour or holes in the boat, choose your metaphor, that I think oftentimes |
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