#246: When Is It a Good Idea to Be Friends with an Ex? (Ask Steph)
On Attachment
Stephanie Rigg
4.9 • 1.2K Ratings
🗓️ 2 April 2026
⏱️ 9 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
In today’s Ask Steph episode, we’re exploring a common question: is it ever a good idea to be friends with an ex?
While staying connected can sometimes feel comforting after a breakup, it’s not always supportive of healing or moving forward.
In this episode, I share some key considerations to help you assess whether a friendship is a good idea, or whether it might be keeping you stuck in old patterns, attachment, or hope.
We discuss:
- Why the desire to stay friends after a breakup is so common
- When friendship with an ex can work—and when it’s likely to be harmfulSigns you might still be emotionally attached or holding onto hope
- The role of boundaries, space, and healing after a breakup
- How to assess whether a friendship is aligned with your long-term wellbeing
👉🏼 Register for my free breakup training here
Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | Hey everybody, welcome back to another episode of On Attachment. |
| 0:04.1 | In today's Ask Steff episode, I'm answering the question of, is it a bad idea to try and be friends |
| 0:11.1 | with my ex? |
| 0:12.9 | So I think this is a really, really common one. |
| 0:15.7 | Obviously, depending on the circumstances of the breakup, depending on how it all unfolded and what your |
| 0:22.7 | living situation, all of the variables. Being friends with an ex might be something that you |
| 0:27.8 | really want. It might be something that is kind of structurally necessary to have an ongoing |
| 0:33.9 | relationship with them. So I'm going to be sharing some thoughts today on whether |
| 0:38.6 | and under what circumstances you might consider a friendship with an ex, when it's maybe not |
| 0:44.3 | such a good idea, matters of timing, all of the things. So that's what I'm going to be sharing |
| 0:49.3 | some thoughts on today. Before I do, if you are going through a breakup, I have a free breakup training on my website |
| 0:55.4 | that is really worth checking out. It's a workshop where I guide you through some of the most |
| 1:00.5 | common mistakes that folks, particularly with anxious attachment, tend to make after a breakup |
| 1:05.7 | that can keep you stuck. As you know, if you're someone with anxious attachment patterns and you're |
| 1:09.8 | either going through a breakup, you've been through one before. Breakups tend to be really challenging and an easy place to kind of spiral into anxiety and rumination and all of the things. So in this free training, I talk you through what to do instead so that you can actually make the most of a breakup and use it as a season of getting |
| 1:28.6 | to know yourself and taking great care of yourself and ultimately emerging out the other |
| 1:33.4 | side as a clearer and more confident version of yourself, which I think is really the best case |
| 1:38.6 | scenario. So I'll link that in the show notes if you're interested. And I also should say, |
| 1:43.5 | I recently put together |
| 1:44.4 | a playlist of on attachment podcast episodes that are all about breakups, kind of curating a bit of |
| 1:51.7 | a breakup playlist. I'm going to link that in the show notes as well if you are going through |
| 1:55.2 | a breakup and you just want to binge all of the breakup episodes. That's a good place to do it. |
... |
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