#245: Should Anxiously Attached People Just Avoid Avoidants?
On Attachment
Stephanie Rigg
4.9 • 1.2K Ratings
🗓️ 31 March 2026
⏱️ 11 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
In today’s episode, I’m unpacking why I don’t give the common advice for anxiously attached people to simply avoid avoidant partners.
While it might seem like a straightforward way to protect yourself from painful relationship dynamics, this approach is often overly simplistic — and can actually reinforce the very patterns you’re trying to move away from.
We explore the nuance that often gets lost in attachment conversations, including why not all avoidant individuals are the same, and how reducing people to labels can limit your capacity to form meaningful, healthy connections.
I also share a more grounded and empowering approach to dating — one that centres discernment, self-trust, and clarity around what you truly want and need in a relationship.
Explore my website + free resources here.
Transcript
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| 0:50.1 | Hey, everybody. Welcome back to another episode of On Attachment. In today's episode, I am talking about |
| 0:56.7 | why I don't give the advice to anxiously attach people to just avoid avoidant people. So this is |
| 1:03.3 | something that you'll hear flying around a lot if you spend any time on YouTube or if you've read |
| 1:09.0 | certain high-prof profile books about attachment, |
| 1:11.8 | you might have heard this line that anxiously attached people are just better off, |
| 1:17.2 | steering clear of avoided people altogether and that that should be your focus. |
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