#244: I Healed My Anxious Attachment… So Why Don’t I Want a Relationship Anymore? (Ask Steph)

On Attachment

Stephanie Rigg

Relationships, Society & Culture

4.9 • 1.2K Ratings

🗓️ 26 March 2026

⏱️ 8 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

In this Ask Steph episode, I’m responding to a question I hear more often than you might expect. Someone has done a lot of work on their anxious attachment patterns, they feel more grounded and secure, and now they find themselves with very little interest in dating or relationships.

I talk about how this can sometimes be a natural pendulum swing. When you have spent a long time orienting around other people, trying to be chosen, accommodating, and overextending yourself, it makes sense that there would be a period of pulling back. For many people, that space allows for a real sense of peace, self-expression, and reconnection with who they are outside of a relationship.

At the same time, I explore how this experience can come from different places. For some, it reflects genuine contentment in their single life. For others, there may still be a protective element underneath it, particularly if being in a relationship has historically meant losing themselves.

This episode is about understanding what is actually driving that shift, so you can move forward in a way that is aligned with what you truly want, rather than simply reacting to your past patterns.

Transcript

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0:00.0	Jamie Lang and Sophie Haboo have arrived on Disney Plus.
0:04.5	We're having a baby.
0:05.5	We're having a baby.
0:07.2	I've always wanted to be mom.
0:09.4	And we're bringing you on our journey through everything.
0:12.4	I have no idea what we're doing.
0:13.6	Thank you. I have more of an idea.
0:15.6	I think of it like a Tamagocchi.
0:17.8	At the end of all of this...
0:20.0	We're going to have a little baby.
0:21.6	Raising Chelsea, a Hulu original series streaming April 2nd exclusively on Disney Plus.
0:27.2	18 plus subscription required T's and T supply.
0:30.0	Hey everybody, welcome back to another episode of On Attachment.
0:33.8	In today's Ask Steff episode, I am answering the question of, I've done so much healing around my anxious
0:41.0	attachment patterns and I feel so secure that I now have very little interest in men or relationships.
0:48.3	Help.
0:49.3	So I think that this is actually more common than people realize this pendulum swing from really anxious
0:55.8	to doing some work and then feeling like I'm so happy in my single life that I actually
1:03.8	don't really have interest in going back into the fray, back into the whirlpool, in disturbing
1:10.3	the piece that I've created for myself
1:12.6	by getting into a relationship again.
1:15.2	And I think that my advice for this is kind of depending on the truth of what's driving that
	...

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