#210: Can You Heal in a Relationship That Constantly Triggers You?
On Attachment
Stephanie Rigg
4.9 • 1.2K Ratings
🗓️ 14 October 2025
⏱️ 19 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
So often, we’re drawn to the work of healing our relational wounds because of challenges in our relationship. A partner’s behaviour, or the dynamic between us, shines a light on our pain points and shows us where our work might be. But this can raise a difficult question: if we’re still being triggered or activated within that very relationship, is healing actually possible?
In this episode, I explore the nuance of this dilemma. We’ll cover:
- Why triggers aren’t necessarily a bad thing — and how they can point us toward the deeper wounds that need healing.
- The difference between growth edges that stretch us and dynamics that keep us constantly dysregulated.
- Signs you can do the work of healing within a relationship, and when the relationship itself may be keeping you stuck.
- How to find the middle ground: using relational challenges as invitations into greater self-awareness, without normalising constant pain or struggle.
Relationships will always bring moments of discomfort — that’s the nature of intimacy and vulnerability. But there’s an important distinction between the kind of challenge that supports healing, and the kind that prevents it. This episode will help you reflect on where your relationship sits, and what you need in order to move forward in your healing journey.
Highlighted Links
- Free Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up
- Free Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love
Additional Resources
- Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here
- Join my email list 💌
- Explore my library of free guides, classes & meditations
- Visit my website
Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | You're listening to On Attachment, a place to learn about how attachment shapes the way we experience relationships |
| 0:10.5 | and where you'll gain the guidance, knowledge and practical tools to overcome insecurity and build healthy, thriving relationships. |
| 0:19.7 | I'm your host, relationship coach Stephanie Rigg, |
| 0:22.8 | and I'm really glad you're here. Hey everybody, welcome back to another episode of On Attachment. |
| 0:33.5 | In today's episode, we are talking about whether you can heal in a relationship that constantly |
| 0:38.7 | triggers you. So I think this is one that a lot of people ask themselves. And it makes sense |
| 0:45.6 | because when we're doing the work, we're trying to become more secure within ourselves. |
| 0:50.3 | But we're in a relationship that feels like a bit of a minefield, |
| 0:54.4 | like we're constantly coming up against triggers |
| 0:57.3 | and playing out unhealthy dynamics, |
| 1:00.8 | maybe having the same conflicts over and over again, |
| 1:04.1 | and wondering whether that's keeping us stuck or facilitating our growth. |
| 1:09.8 | And I think that it's a really great question and |
| 1:12.7 | it's an important one that unfortunately doesn't have a neat and clean answer. But in today's |
| 1:18.5 | episode, I'm hoping to share some thoughts around why it's not necessarily a bad thing to be |
| 1:24.2 | triggered in our relationship and that sometimes triggers can be gifts and mirrors, |
| 1:29.0 | pointing us towards the things within us that are maybe unresolved and that need our attention, |
| 1:34.3 | but also looking at when a relationship might be too triggering for us to be able to |
| 1:40.6 | meaningfully shift those patterns. So as always, I think there's a healthy middle, |
| 1:44.9 | there's a sweet spot. And I'm going to be giving some guidance and thoughts today around what that |
| 1:49.7 | might look like and how you might make that assessment in the context of your own relationship |
| 1:54.5 | on whether it's too much, too much stress, too much overwhelmed, too much arguing, too much conflict such that it's |
... |
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