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On Attachment

#211: The Hard Truth About Closure After a Break-up

On Attachment

Stephanie Rigg

Relationships, Society & Culture

4.9 • 1.2K Ratings

🗓️ 21 October 2025

⏱️ 18 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

When a relationship ends, it’s natural to crave closure. We want answers, explanations, or one last conversation that will tie everything up neatly and help us move on. But the reality is, closure rarely comes from someone else — it’s something we have to create for ourselves.

In this episode, I share some hard but freeing truths about closure:

  • Why the relationships that leave us most desperate for closure are usually the ones least likely to give it
  • How the idea of a “closure conversation” can sometimes be a hidden way of keeping the door open
  • Why even when we get answers, they rarely soothe us in the way we hope
  • The difference between chasing closure from someone else versus cultivating it within yourself
  • Practical ways to create your own sense of closure and peace

If you’ve been waiting for that message, that explanation, or that final conversation to make things better, this episode will help you see closure differently — and take back your power to move forward.

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Transcript

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0:00.0

You're listening to On Attachment, a place to learn about how attachment shapes the way we experience relationships and where you'll gain the guidance, knowledge and practical tools to overcome insecurity and build healthy, thriving relationships.

0:19.7

I'm your host, relationship coach Stephanie Rigg,

0:23.1

and I'm really glad you're here.

0:29.3

Hey, everybody.

0:30.5

Welcome back to another episode of On Attachment.

0:33.3

In today's episode, we are talking all about closure after a breakup. So closure is one of those

0:39.6

things that we can really easily fixate on. And that makes a lot of sense if a breakup has ended

0:46.4

in a way that has left us with a lot of unanswered questions and open loops and feeling like

0:52.7

there are so many things we don't understand about

0:55.6

what unfolded and why. And when we're in that state of uncertainty, it's really natural that we

1:00.6

would seek answers and that we would seek them from the person who we assume is the best place

1:05.5

to provide them being our ex. But as we're going to talk about today, that can get us into

1:10.7

a really sticky place where we are holding out for our ex- But as we're going to talk about today, that can get us into a really sticky

1:11.6

place where we are holding out for our ex to show up to some conversation in some way

1:18.0

that's going to soothe the pain that we're in, that's going to close all the open loops.

1:22.4

And I think that oftentimes our expectations or our hopes around getting that closure

1:27.4

can keep us holding on for a

1:29.9

really long time and in a way that is maybe not conducive to our healing. So in today's episode,

1:36.1

I'm going to be talking about why it makes so much sense that you long for closure and that

1:40.5

you might fixate on the need to get all of these questions answered. But I'm also going to

1:45.2

be sharing some hard truths about closure and, you know, why it's probably unlikely that you're

1:51.0

going to get closure from your ex and in the form that you're hoping and how you might reframe closure

...

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