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On Attachment

#208: Anxious Attachment & the Fear of Infidelity

On Attachment

Stephanie Rigg

Relationships, Society & Culture

4.9 • 1.2K Ratings

🗓️ 30 September 2025

⏱️ 21 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Fear of infidelity can be one of the most overwhelming and destabilising experiences for someone with anxious attachment. Even when there’s no evidence a partner is being unfaithful, the possibility alone can trigger deep anxiety, hypervigilance, and constant worry.

In this episode, we explore why anxiously attached people often fear cheating so much, even in the absence of proof. We’ll look at the core wounds and nervous system patterns that fuel this fear, the role of past relationship and childhood experiences, and how certain dynamics—especially with avoidant partners—can make these fears even more intense.

We’ll also unpack the ways fear of cheating can show up in a relationship, the problems with trying to “prevent” it through control or monitoring, and practical steps to move towards a more secure, trusting dynamic.

If this is something you’ve struggled with, this conversation will help you understand what’s happening beneath the surface and give you tools to respond in a way that’s calmer, clearer, and more grounded.

You’ll learn:

  • The connection between anxious attachment and fear of infidelity
  • How past betrayal or early life experiences can amplify the fear
  • Why anxious-avoidant relationships can trigger cheating anxiety
  • How hypervigilance and reassurance-seeking can harm trust
  • Tools for building self-trust and relationship security

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Transcript

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0:00.0

You're listening to On Attachment, a place to learn about how attachment shapes the way we experience relationships

0:10.5

and where you'll gain the guidance, knowledge and practical tools to overcome insecurity and build healthy, thriving relationships.

0:19.7

I'm your host, relationship coach Stephanie Rigg,

0:22.8

and I'm really glad you're here. Hey everybody, welcome back to another episode of On Attachment.

0:32.7

In today's episode, we are talking about the fear of infidelity amongst anxiously attached people.

0:39.5

So if you're someone with anxious attachment, as I know many of you are, and you're listening

0:44.0

to this, the fear of your partner cheating on you, or if you're not in a relationship, the idea

0:48.4

of being cheated on is probably immensely painful and distressing. Now, of course, that's going to

0:54.1

be true for anyone. No one likes course, that's going to be true for

0:54.6

anyone. No one likes the idea of being cheated on. But for anxiously attached people, it's on

0:59.3

another level in most cases. There is intense fear and anxiety. And as we'll talk about today,

1:05.6

that makes a lot of sense having regard to the core fears and wounds and beliefs at the heart of anxious attachment

1:12.2

around not being enough, around it being our job to make people love us and keep them

1:18.7

close and prevent disconnection. Our fears around abandonment and rejection. All of these things

1:24.2

can go into a bit of a melting pot and mean that the fear of someone cheating on us,

1:30.1

the idea of someone cheating on us feels so immensely painful and panic-inducing to our nervous

1:36.6

system such that it can drive all sorts of behaviours like hypervigilance and snooping

1:41.8

and excessive reassurance seeking all of those sorts of things,

1:45.4

which as we'll come to, can actually create more disconnection in our relationships because,

1:50.5

you know, it can really infuse our relationships with a lot of insecurity. So in today's

1:55.8

episode, I'm going to be talking about why this is so common, what sits underneath it, and what you might want to focus on

2:03.0

if this is something that you struggle with, how you can support yourself and how you can maybe

...

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