186: rescuing my b*ttplug from my crush's house (w/ Deison Afualo)
Perfect Person
Miles Bonsignore
4.9 • 1.7K Ratings
🗓️ 28 January 2026
⏱️ 73 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
Deison Afualo (Two Idiot Girls) joins the show to take stunning calls about rescuing a specialized instrument from your crush's apartment without them realizing, being carted away in an ambulance from a climbing gym, a threesome missing person report, and a granola store coworker who screams.
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Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | This is a headgum podcast. |
| 0:17.2 | Hello and welcome to Perfect Person, the show where I'm Perfect and you're, of course, a person. Right. Coconut water is back. Is it? It actually is back. I don't like it. I don't like it. I don't like it. I don't know. It's sitting on it and it stays a little bit. Sorry, are you drinking creamy coconut water? I don't want that. That's milk. You're having coconut milk. |
| 0:38.3 | That's why. |
| 0:38.7 | That's my. |
| 0:39.0 | That's my fault. |
| 0:40.2 | But I have been sipping coconut water sort of as a little snack. |
| 0:44.3 | Okay. |
| 0:44.7 | And not really snack, but I've been having it and I've been sort of enjoying that. |
| 0:50.2 | Okay. |
| 0:50.6 | And it's supposed to be good for hydration. |
| 0:52.6 | Supposedly, that's what I've heard. |
| 0:53.9 | Yeah. Okay. And it's supposed to be good for hydration. Supposedly, that's what I've heard, yeah. |
| 0:57.1 | And supposedly that's what I've heard from Jason. |
| 0:57.8 | I'll follow. |
| 0:59.5 | Jason, thank you so much for joining the show. Thank you for having me. I'm so excited. Oh, it's a pleasure to have you here. Now, obviously, we're going to give advice to perfect people here. But what makes you perfect to be on the show to lend the wisdom to the callers? |
| 1:09.4 | I am a lesbian. |
| 1:11.0 | Huge. |
| 1:13.1 | I feel like that's all I wisdom to the callers. I am a lesbian. |
| 1:11.3 | Huge. I feel like that's all I need to say, really. Yeah, absolutely. I'm someone, and I feel like I could give good advice being a Polynesian person, I don't know. Hell yeah. And I'm funny, so I feel like right there. Honestly, that's the trifecta. That's the holy trinity. What more do you need? What more do you need? |
| 1:28.4 | Well, obviously, I have to calibrate your advice |
| 1:30.4 | before we get in there. So I'm going to throw a bunch of questions at you via the perfect person speed round. So when we go in there and we give advice, we're on the same team. We're like a buddy cut movie. It's sort of miles and dason out solving crimes. I love that. Okay. So the perfect speed round starts now. Perfect ice cream flavor. Butter pecan. Butter pecan. And is it pecan or pecan? And it's not a leading question. I don't know. I like pecan. I've always thought if it was one, it's a pecan. If it's multiple, maybe pecans. You know what you got me there? |
| 2:01.1 | You know what I mean? |
... |
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