Hello and welcome back to the savvy psychologist I'm Dr Ellen Hendrickson and every

week I'll help you meet life's challenges with evidence-based research, a sympathetic ear, and zero judgment.

Now, a few months ago on the podcast, we talked about how to rebuild trust in a relationship. But what happens if mistrust expands beyond a partner to, well, everyone?

Not trusting anyone keeps you safe from hurt and betrayal, but it also leaves you isolated and suspicious.

Now if this sounds familiar, you are not alone.

Fear of trust is so common it's an official phobia, pistanthorphobia. It's a big name for an equally big problem.

So how does this happen? How does one lose faith in humanity? And how can you find it again? Well about 40 years ago

researchers working in artificial intelligence hypothesized that people have a

script for certain experiences. For example, at a restaurant your script goes something like this.

Look at the menu, order, eat your food, pay and leave. You know what to expect. Okay, so many people as kids learn a

script about life that goes something like this. I get hurt or upset. Someone

comforts me. I feel better. But many others didn't learn that

script. They learned, I get hurt or upset, someone blames me or gets mad, I feel worse. Or I get hurt or upset, no one notices I am alone.

These scripts are a recipe for feeling unable to trust or get close to others.

And it makes sense. If getting what we need from other humans was the unexpected exception

rather than the reliable rule, it would be foolish to trust. We'd be setting ourselves up to get hurt over and over again.

Now, other times, the script we learn in childhood is healthy, but then it gets rocked by the earthquake of trauma.

For instance, the love of our life cheats.

We get swindled by someone we trust or we make ourselves vulnerable and get abandoned.

Again, it makes sense.

If that happened to you, you'd get a rewrite on your script pretty quickly.

Either way, you're left with a belief system that puts a wedge between you and the rest of the world.

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