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Best Friend Therapy

Emma Reed Turrell

Society & Culture

4.81.2K Ratings

Overview

Hello! We’re Elizabeth Day and Emma Reed-Turrell. And for over 20 years, we’ve been best friends. Elizabeth is a broadcaster and author. Emma is a psychotherapist. Best Friend Therapy is where we chat about what’s on our minds to get deeper in our minds.
Every week, we talk about how to tackle the challenges we face in daily life with honesty, compassion and practical wisdom. This is a podcast that holds your hand through the tough times and offers reassurance on the days you might need it. Feed your soul with nourishing conversations from two best friends, one therapist - and zero filter.

59 Episodes

S7, Ep 7 Best Friend Therapy: Goodbye - Join us for a look back over the last two years of BFT and what makes this community so special...

Well, here we are. Emma is firmly in denial and Elizabeth is busy looking for silver linings because this week's episode of Best Friend Therapy is our LAST ONE EVER. Probably. We have loved every minute of these last two years, as we've curated this collection of conversations to share with you, our wonderful listeners. Thank you so much for having us and we hope you'll join us for one last look back, at the journey we've been on together... We talk about our favourite episodes and look back on some of the memorable moments that made us laugh and cry. We'd love to hear from you about your favourite episodes and what you'll take away from this series and, remember, the back catalogue is there for you whenever you want to dip in and hear some words of comfort and support, or just enjoy hearing us lose it over that pesky rustle in the bush. Elizabeth shares her heartfelt thanks for the space you've given to her feelings on fertility and Emma will forever be grateful for the confidence she's gained to speak her truth more widely. Finally, know that we see you. We hear you. We understand you. And you are not alone. You will always be welcome here. Oh, and watch this space for what comes next... Love Elizabeth and Emma xx --- We are so looking forward to seeing some of you IRL at our live finale show on Thursday 4th April, at the Bloomsbury Theatre in London! And if you couldn't get a ticket, or you just fancy watching from the comfort of your own sofa, you can now join us via livestream. Book a ticket to watch live, or on demand for a week after the event, here: https://www.fane.co.uk/best-friend-therapy --- Best Friend Therapy is hosted by Elizabeth Day and Emma Reed Turrell, produced by Chris Sharp. --- Social Media: Elizabeth Day @elizabday Emma Reed Turrell @emmareedturrell Best Friend Therapy @best.friend.therapy Email: [email protected]

Transcribed - Published: 18 March 2024

S7, Ep 6 Best Friend Therapy: Blind Spots - How does unconscious bias affect us? Why do we need perspective? What's your blind spot profile?

We begin this episode with the announcement that this... sniff... will be... sniff... our last season of Best Friend Therapy but DON'T PANIC because there are good reasons which we'll go into and plenty of exciting new projects in the pipeline! Which also means there's no time to lose and so this week we take a deep dive into the work Emma has been developing around her unique model of "blind spot therapy", and which she's sharing with us all in her upcoming book, What Am I Missing? If you have ever wondered why you end up repeating patterns of unhealthly behaviour, in the wrong relationships, caught up in conflict in your family or held back at work, you might be acting out of a blind spot - an area of low or no awareness that means you can't see things clearly and end up tripping over the same obstacles in life. Emma has developed a brand new psychological theory to translate ideas of unconscious bias, learned behaviours and cultural conditioning into four clear and relatable blind spot profiles: Listen along this week and find out whether you might be: THE GLADIATOR, determined but missing trust THE BRIDGE, easy-going but missing authenticity THE HUSTLER, charming but missing self-worth Or THE ROCK, resilient but missing boundaries Elizabeth explores how being a Bridge/Hustler, or a "Bristle" as we affectionately like to call her, has affected her in the past and Emma explains how her inner Rock led her to become a therapist. Published by Penguin on 4th April, What Am I Missing? will teach you how to overcome the blind spots that are holding you back and explain why, when they said "what you don't know won't hurt you", they couldn't have been more wrong! --- EXCLUSIVE PRE-ORDER OFFER: You can get £5 off your copy of What Am I Missing? if you pre-order online at Waterstones and use the code WHATAMIMISSING before the 4th April. https://www.waterstones.com/book/what-am-i-missing/emma-reed-turrell/9780241624982 And if you do pre-order a hardback, audiobook or e-book edition from any UK retailer, you can also enter a competition to win an online 1:1 Blind Spot Therapy Session with Emma! Just visit https://penguinrandomhouse.eu.research.net/r/WhatAmIMissingComp to enter your details. Malcolm Gladwell talks about the "10,000-Hour Rule", in his book Outliers, it's an excellent take on what makes us successful: https://amzn.eu/d/2Or36uE --- Best Friend Therapy is hosted by Elizabeth Day and Emma Reed Turrell, produced by Chris Sharp. --- Social Media: Elizabeth Day @elizabday Emma Reed Turrell @emmareedturrell Best Friend Therapy @best.friend.therapy Email: [email protected]

Transcribed - Published: 11 March 2024

S7, Ep 5 Best Friend Therapy: Drama Triangle - Do you end up having the same old arguments? Listen and learn how to handle conflict better.

Welcome back to Best Friend Therapy and this season’s opportunity for Emma to therapise our beloved guinea pig, Elizabeth Day, whilst offering some psycho-education for us all about the Transactional Analysis concept of the “Drama Triangle” - why and how we end up repeating conflict in relationships (be they personal or professional) and what we can do to change it. The Drama Triangle was developed by Stephen Karpman in the 1960’s and tells us about three unhealthy roles we take on in drama - the Rescuer, the Persecutor, the Victim. Elizabeth talks about a time she adopted the role of Rescuer as a way of defending her Victim and she recognises the futile task of trying to solve someone’s problems when they are not yet ready to change. She also tells us about the guilt she feels when she fails the other person and we uncover the unconscious motivations that are keeping her stuck. Listen along with an example of your own and ask yourself: If you’re the Rescuer, what are your feelings and needs? If you’re the Persecutor, what can’t you tolerate really? If you’re the Victim, what are your options to take back control? Emma explains and gives examples of how to channel more productive, constructive Adult communication using Acey Choy’s “Winners Triangle”, to remove the conflict and get closer to the results you want. --- The original reference for the Drama Triangle is: Karpman MD, Stephen (1968). "Fairy tales and script drama analysis". Transactional Analysis Bulletin. 26 (7): 39–43. https://www.karpmandramatriangle.com/pdf/DramaTriangle.pdf Choy, Acey (1990). The Winner's Triangle Transactional Analysis Journal 20(1):40 https://www.scribd.com/document/577707612/Winner-s-Triangle And this brilliant book by Ian Stewart and Vann Joines is a great introduction to all things TA, including Eric Berne’s work on Games: https://amzn.eu/d/eZEkUmD --- Best Friend Therapy is hosted by Elizabeth Day and Emma Reed Turrell, produced by Chris Sharp. --- Social Media: Elizabeth Day @elizabday Emma Reed Turrell @emmareedturrell Best Friend Therapy @best.friend.therapy Email: [email protected]

Transcribed - Published: 4 March 2024

S7, Ep 4 Best Friend Therapy: Introverts and Extroverts - What's the difference? How do these traits develop? Which way is best?

What is introversion and extroversion anyway? This week we’re drawing on the ideas of Carl Jung, and the Big Five personality traits, to help us understand why some people get their energy from being around other people, and others prefer to recharge their batteries on their own. Emma challenges the idea that it’s simply a matter of personality, and wonders whether we develop these behaviours as an adaptation to societal pressures, and Elizabeth explains why, as an introvert, she prefers a voice note to a phone call. We chat about the impact of social media and the pandemic, cross-cultural influences and, most importantly, whether you’re a bath or a shower person. --- Carl Jung on psychological types: Jung, C. G. [1921] 1971. Psychological Types, Collected Works of C.G. Jung, vol. 6. Princeton, NJ: Princeton University Press. More on the Big Five personality traits: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Big_Five_personality_traits --- Best Friend Therapy is hosted by Elizabeth Day and Emma Reed Turrell, produced by Chris Sharp. --- Social Media: Elizabeth Day @elizabday Emma Reed Turrell @emmareedturrell Best Friend Therapy @best.friend.therapy Email: [email protected]

Transcribed - Published: 26 February 2024

S7, Ep 3 Best Friend Therapy: Comparison - Is it a bad thing? How can it help us? What does it tell us about ourselves?

This week on Best Friend Therapy, we tackle the thorny issue of comparison - how it gets in our way, what its true function is and how it can actually direct us to feel happier and more fulfilled. From Reese Witherspoon to Richard II, we cover themes of unconditional acceptance and safety, via the rise of social media and the Peasants Revolt (bear with us, ED is ever the historian). Emma teaches us the difference between jealousy and envy and Elizabeth tells us how gratitude is her antidote to comparison (and why ex’s are no longer up for discussion). —- Emma does the show notes and gave up history as a subject as quickly as possible, so if you’re looking for references on Richard II and the Peasants Revolt, you’re on your own. Naomi Klein’s book, however, is available here: Doppelganger: A Trip Into the Mirror World https://amzn.eu/d/gCFeiar --- Best Friend Therapy is hosted by Elizabeth Day and Emma Reed Turrell, produced by Chris Sharp. --- Social Media: Elizabeth Day @elizabday Emma Reed Turrell @emmareedturrell Best Friend Therapy @best.friend.therapy Email: [email protected]

Transcribed - Published: 19 February 2024

S7 Ep 2 Best Friend Therapy: Emotional Detachment - When should we take a step back? What stops us? Can it make for healthier relationships?

Welcome to this week's episode of Best Friend Therapy - the one where we ask the tough questions... * What's the difference between emotional detachment and emotional unavailability? * Why can needs get confused with neediness? * How do sympathy and empathy serve different purposes? We explore how emotional detachment can actually help us to develop greater empathy and deepen authentic relationships, with others and ourselves. And we explain what happens when we don’t detach - how we can lose objectivity and fall foul of merging with others, enmeshing our experiences, projecting our beliefs and outsourcing our authentic needs... Emma explains why she used to work for brownie points and Elizabeth gets interested in the inner psyche of the teenage girl. --- Not for the first time we reference the Love Languages work of Gary Chapman: https://amzn.eu/d/68aAaOc --- 🚨 BIG NEWS 🚨 Not only are we back for a seventh season, but Elizabeth and Emma will be hosting a LIVE SHOW for the very first time! Book your tickets and join us live at the Bloomsbury Theatre on Thursday 4th April. We can’t wait to see your gorgeous faces IRL! 🎟️ fane.co.uk/best-friend-therapy --- Best Friend Therapy is hosted by Elizabeth Day and Emma Reed Turrell, produced by Chris Sharp. --- Social Media: Elizabeth Day @elizabday Emma Reed Turrell @emmareedturrell Best Friend Therapy @best.friend.therapy Email: [email protected]

Transcribed - Published: 12 February 2024

S7, Ep 1 Best Friend Therapy: Childfree, Not By Choice - How does it feel? Can there be peace in the end? Why does the language matter?

🚨 BIG NEWS 🚨 Not only are we back for a brand new season, but Elizabeth and Emma will be hosting a LIVE SHOW for the very first time! Book your tickets and join us live at the Bloomsbury Theatre on Thursday 4th April. We can’t wait to see your gorgeous faces IRL! 🎟️ fane.co.uk/best-friend-therapy --- TW: Miscarriage Welcome back to our seventh season of Best Friend Therapy and we begin with a update, for all those of you who have listened to or read Elizabeth's experiences on her fertility journey and who have reached out with care and concern. Elizabeth generously shares with us where she's been, where she is now, and what life looks like when you are childfree, not by choice. She shares her frustrations with the language and reactions of some, celebrates the kindness of many and describes the grief she has lived through, to reach a place of peace and renewed purpose. Emma explains why grief can be like a game of Snakes & Ladders and reminds us that, in a world where we are encouraged to hold on, it's often the letting go that will require most courage. --- Best Friend Therapy is hosted by Elizabeth Day and Emma Reed Turrell, produced by Chris Sharp. --- Social Media: Elizabeth Day @elizabday Emma Reed Turrell @emmareedturrell Best Friend Therapy @best.friend.therapy Email: [email protected]

Transcribed - Published: 5 February 2024

S6, Ep 8 Best Friend Therapy: Rejection - Why does it hurt so much? How can we overcome it? What is self-rejection?

TW: Discussion on miscarriage. Welcome to this week's episode of Best Friend Therapy - the fourth instalment of our miniseries on break-ups and the final episode of Season 6! As we have been exploring different break-ups, whether it be a romantic relationship, the ending of a friendship, family estrangement or career change, we realised there is one feeling that connects them all - the feeling of rejection. So we are dedicating this final episode to unpacking this feeling - to better understand why it hurts and what we can do to help ourselves. It may be the season finale but it's most definitely not a rejection, merely a time for reflection, and we look to the work of Alain de Botton to teach us about constructive pessimism and remind ourselves of Eckhart Tolle's wise words in "The Power of Now." We also look to the great philosopher, Elizabeth Day, and hear what the glockenspiel had to teach her about rejection and why she took up the trumpet instead. Emma introduces the Transactional Anaylysis theory of the "hot potato" and walks Elizabeth down her Staircase of Beliefs, to find the fear behind the rejection, and explains why the antidote to rejection is self-acceptance and a Joy List. See you very soon for Season 7 and thanks, as always, for listening xx --- Alain de Botton talks about "constructive pessimism": https://youtu.be/Aw1oLtuJOXQ?si=6BswjGNwxPWlxc6G Eckhart Tolle, "The Power of Now": https://amzn.eu/d/g0Oh6mo On the Hot Potato Theory and Episcript, p.124: https://www.fanita-english.com/wp-content/uploads/pdf/Berne,%20phobia,%20episcripts%20and%20racketeering.pdf --- Best Friend Therapy is hosted by Elizabeth Day and Emma Reed Turrell, produced by Chris Sharp. --- Social Media: Elizabeth Day @elizabday Emma Reed Turrell @emmareedturrell Best Friend Therapy @best.friend.therapy Email: [email protected]

Transcribed - Published: 27 November 2023

S6, Ep 7 Best Friend Therapy: Work Break-Ups - How can you cope with unexpected endings? What can you do if your work's not working?

Welcome to this week's episode of Best Friend Therapy, and the penultimate instalment of our miniseries on break-ups. So far we have been focusing on personal relationships but today it’s time to take a look at professional break-ups - from being fired or made redundant, to feeling left behind or breaking up with a previous profession. We talk about why people-pleasing and work don’t mix, and why healthy work contracts have to be reciprocal (just like those family contracts that we discussed last week). Emma offers some advice on how to improve work dynamics when it's not practical to break up, and Elizabeth explains why the language of redundancy is so unhelpful. --- Best Friend Therapy is hosted by Elizabeth Day and Emma Reed Turrell, produced by Chris Sharp. --- Social Media: Elizabeth Day @elizabday Emma Reed Turrell @emmareedturrell Best Friend Therapy @best.friend.therapy

Transcribed - Published: 20 November 2023

S6, Ep 6 Best Friend Therapy: Break-ups with friends and family - Can you end a friendship? How do you change old family dynamics?

Welcome back to our break-ups miniseries, and this week we're looking at the thorny issue of how to end, change or evolve a relationship with friends and family. We talk about why remaining friends is not always as kind as we might think and why being authentic and accountable might actually be more generous. Emma talks about non-verbal boundaries and how to reset realities for everyone's benefit, and Elizabeth describes what it feels like to be ghosted by a friend and what it looks like to grow apart. We chat about the reciprocity of family relationships, how they need to work for everyone, why we need to challenge the taboo of family being fixed, the danger of toxic gratitude and how it can be healthier to recategorise certain family relationships. We'll be back next week to look at break-ups of the professional variety! --- Best Friend Therapy is hosted by Elizabeth Day and Emma Reed Turrell, produced by Chris Sharp. --- Social Media: Elizabeth Day @elizabday Emma Reed Turrell @emmareedturrell Best Friend Therapy @best.friend.therapy

Transcribed - Published: 13 November 2023

S6, Ep 5 Best Friend Therapy: The Break-Ups MINISERIES - Romantic Heartbreak, Why it Hurts and How to Heal

In a first for Best Friend Therapy, we bring you a four-part MINISERIES, all about break-ups. We'd be lying if we said it was intentional but we quickly realised there was far too much to say about romatic break-ups, let along friendship break-ups, family break-ups and work break-ups, to get through in a single episode. So this week's episode is dedicated to heartbreak of the romantic variety... When we break-up with a partner, we often feel a form of grief - not only for the relationship, but also the future we may have planned, and for a past version of ourself. It's a triple whammy. We talk about the difference between being dumped and doing the dumping, how to break up well (if there is such a thing) and why break-up through divorce is hard, but break-up after divorce can be even harder. Emma explains why romantic break-ups can reinforce core beliefs and re-enact past attachment trauma and Elizabeth directs us to the ever-guiding light that is Taylor Swift. Join us again next week when we'll be turning our attention to friendship break-ups. --- If you want to hear us talk more about grief, you can tune into our previous episode: https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/best-friend-therapy/id1614793299?i=1000601683198 Emma talks about the grief cycle, developed by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross and made famous in her book, "On Death and Dying", in 1969. --- Best Friend Therapy is hosted by Elizabeth Day and Emma Reed Turrell, produced by Chris Sharp. --- Social Media: Elizabeth Day @elizabday Emma Reed Turrell @emmareedturrell Best Friend Therapy @best.friend.therapy

Transcribed - Published: 6 November 2023

S6, Ep 4 Best Friend Therapy: Burnout - Why do we burn out? What is emotional exhaustion? How can we prevent it?

This week, we’re talking about burnout and that particular kind of emotional exhaustion that can knock us off our feet and leave us feeling utterly depleted. Emma and Elizabeth both share their own personal stories of burnout and explore what they learned from their experiences. Emma talks about the work she does with organisations to prevent burnout in the first place and how to balance individual responsibility with a workplace culture that rewards healthy behaviour. And Elizabeth brings in the work of psychiatrist and author, Gabor Maté, who believes the physical symptoms of burnout to be manifestations of psychological stress. We talk about how to recognise symptoms of burnout, how to treat it and, most importantly, how to understand what it was trying to tell you in the first place. --- Listen to Elizabeth’s conversation with Gabor Maté on How to Fail: https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/how-to-fail-with-elizabeth-day/id1407451189?i=1000624455746 --- Best Friend Therapy is hosted by Elizabeth Day and Emma Reed Turrell, produced by Chris Sharp. --- Social Media: Elizabeth Day @elizabday Emma Reed Turrell @emmareedturrell Best Friend Therapy @best.friend.therapy

Transcribed - Published: 30 October 2023

S6, Ep 3 Best Friend Therapy: Ego - What is our ego supposed to do for us? When does ego get in our way? How can we strike a balance?

This week, Elizabeth shares a challenging work scenario, in which she found herself at the pointy end of someone else's ego. We go back and look at the original meaning of ego through the eyes of Freud, with an overview of his theory of three-part personality, to build an understanding of how egotistical behaviour, narcissism and power-play intersect, and what we can do when we come up against “big egos” in our daily lives. We wrestle with a tug of war between our instincts and morality and find our balance on a seesaw, which concludes that it’s good to talk and, if talking about feelings makes us less acceptable to some, we’re here for it. --- For more on Freud’s three-part psyche: https://www.simplypsychology.org/psyche.html Emma references the work of Dr Christine Dunkley and her work on Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT): https://amzn.eu/d/9yLqPUU Elizabeth talks about Jung’s Collective Unconsciousness and Emma expands with group imago theory which you can read more about here: https://amzn.eu/d/eLujeLP and https://www.awesomebooks.com/book/9780285647763/transactional-analysis-in-psychotherapy --- Best Friend Therapy is hosted by Elizabeth Day and Emma Reed Turrell, produced by Chris Sharp. --- Social Media: Elizabeth Day @elizabday Emma Reed Turrell @emmareedturrell Best Friend Therapy @best.friend.therapy

Transcribed - Published: 22 October 2023

S6, Ep 2 Best Friend Therapy: Responsibility - Do we want it? Can we balance accountability and freedom? Who are we really responsible for?

This week we’re looking at the theme of Responsibility, how we feel about it, and how its meaning might change for us over time. Whether it begins with a badge on our blazers or a ticket to teenage independence, being given responsibility might not always be such a gift, when it later brings with it the added pressures of work, or the task of emotionally regulating the people we live alongside. We suggest that it might be wiser to take responsibility in our lives, rather than be given it, and for our sense of duty to deliver on the values that lie within ourselves, rather than be employed to meet the needs of others. We talk about the dangers of outsourcing responsibility to others and how gaslighting and toxic relationships can get set up, and we discuss the impact of an outdated and patriarchal sense of responsibility for others, when all we can ever usefully offer is a sense of responsibility to the people we care about. --- Elizabeth references the Changes podcast, hosted by Annie Macmanus, in which she interviews Zadie Smith: https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/zadie-smith/id1465937091?i=1000626637952 And she generously crowbars in a reference to Emma’s new book, called “What Am I Missing: The Four Blind Spots that are Holding You Back, and How to Overcome Them” - out in April 2024 and available to pre-order now: https://amzn.eu/d/6yuHeXV Oh, and she also takes us back to Aristotle, because she’s a historian at heart. Emma shares her most wholesome of weekends and, should you find yourself in Hampshire and keen to become more “manipulate”, you too can check out the wonderful workshops hosted by @alicecrowe_ceramics, @nicepearceramics and @rushmerefarm. --- Best Friend Therapy is hosted by Elizabeth Day and Emma Reed Turrell, produced by Chris Sharp. --- Social Media: Elizabeth Day @elizabday Emma Reed Turrell @emmareedturrell Best Friend Therapy @best.friend.therapy

Transcribed - Published: 16 October 2023

S6, Ep 1 Best Friend Therapy: Toxic Positivity - What are good vibes? Is there always a bright side? How can positivity help and hinder us?

We’re back with Season 6 of Best Friend Therapy and we are overjoyed to be in your ears again! In fact we're feeling so damn positive about life right now, we thought we'd kick off with a conversation about whether positivity can ever be negative... or even toxic? There’s nothing wrong with looking on the bright side of life, or tackling challenges with optimism and a positive mental attitude. But we wonder whether there is a role for taking our time to get there in certain situations, to feel heard first (by ourselves and others) and to feel validated in the truth of what is, even when it’s not as we would wish. And whether we can trip ourselves up with the pressures to be positive and feel like we’re failing, when really what we’re acknowledging is the complicated, nuanced, conflicted reality of life. To quote our very own Elizabeth Day, “life is texture” and striving to be overly positive, at the cost of authenticity, can make us more fearful of the darker feelings that are an inevitable part of the human condition. Elizabeth introduces us to the view of Zadie Smith that tells us our pain can run in parallel to others’ experiences and Emma questions whether this season of Married at First Sight sees its participants setting themselves up to fail with their "good vibes only". Never let it be said that we don’t draw on a diverse range of sources in our research for BFT. We hope our conversation puts a smile on your face but, if it doesn't, cheer up, it might never happen! --- Elizabeth quotes Zadie Smith's "Intimations": https://www.waterstones.com/book/intimations/zadie-smith/9780241492383 --- Best Friend Therapy is hosted by Elizabeth Day and Emma Reed Turrell, produced by Chris Sharp. --- Social Media: Elizabeth Day @elizabday Emma Reed Turrell @emmareedturrell Best Friend Therapy @best.friend.therapy

Transcribed - Published: 9 October 2023

S5, Ep 8 Best Friend Therapy: Uncertain Times - How can we cope with uncertainty? Why can it make us anxious? Can it also offer opportunity?

It's that time again, it's our season finale! And this week on Best Friend Therapy, we thought it fitting to send you into the break with an episode all about uncertain times. We explore how cultural events such as the pandemic, the cost of living crisis and economic uncertainty can manifest in anxiety, and we also examine the potential for growth and change therein. We suggest that certainty might not be the only antidote to uncertainty, if we can find other ways to settle and soothe our nervous systems. Emma helps us recognise the difference between dread and excitement and Elizabeth explains why she's always nice to Siri. --- Elizabeth talks about ClearScore and you can find out more about how they can help at: https://www.clearscore.com Emma references the research of Elizabeth Kubler-Ross and you can read more about her life and work at: https://www.ekrfoundation.org/elisabeth-kubler-ross/ If you're struggling with uncertainty, below are some services that might be able to help: Mind: https://www.mind.org.uk/need-urgent-help/using-this-tool/ Samaritans: https://www.samaritans.org Citizens Advice Bureau: https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk --- Best Friend Therapy is hosted by Elizabeth Day and Emma Reed Turrell, produced by Chris Sharp. --- Social Media: Elizabeth Day @elizabday Emma Reed Turrell @emmareedturrell Best Friend Therapy @best.friend.therapy

Transcribed - Published: 7 August 2023

S5, Ep 7 Best Friend Therapy: Unmet Needs - Live therapy session - What did you need? How can you meet that need now? Where can you start?

Join us for this season's live therapy experience, with our glamorous assistant/guinea pig, Elizabeth Day! This week, Emma blends techniques from Neuro Linguistic Programming and timeline therapy to guide Elizabeth back through some significant experiences, in order to identify an unmet need or missing piece that might still hold her back today. You'll hear a guided visualisation that reframes past experiences in a way that can heal past hurt, and shows you what to look for in future. Listen along to Elizabeth's journey or try it for yourself, and let us know what you learn along the way! --- The original Time Line Therapy is a NLP based technique, developed by Master NLP and Hypnosis Trainer, Tad James: https://www.nlpcoaching.com/tad-james-m-s-ph-d-transformational-leader/ --- Best Friend Therapy is hosted by Elizabeth Day and Emma Reed Turrell, produced by Chris Sharp. --- Social Media: Elizabeth Day @elizabday Emma Reed Turrell @emmareedturrell Best Friend Therapy @best.friend.therapy

Transcribed - Published: 31 July 2023

S5, Ep 6 Best Friend Therapy: Inner Child - What is inner child work in therapy? How can we access our intuition? Can we meet our needs now?

This week we are talking about how we can tune in to our 'inner child'. Or, at least, we're attempting to because Elizabeth has so far found her inner child to be quite elusive and the prospect of dancing on the beach to be a bit cringe. We come to the conclusion that inner child work might actually be about learning to trust our intuition and accept our wants and needs exactly as they are, with no judgment, and to give ourselves permission to play in whichever way we find comfortable - even if that looks like a Hippo bag for Emma and a dose of reality TV (rather than a skip along the sand) for Elizabeth. Inner child work helps us to identify how we feel and what we need, so that we can 'reparent' ourselves as grown-ups, and releases us from the idea that there is a right and wrong way to feel freedom and joy. What is your idea of fun? How do you like to play? Are you paying attention to the wisdom of your inner child? --- Emma references Lucia Capacchione's book "Recovery of Your Inner Child: The Highly Acclaimed Method for Liberating Your Inner Self" https://amzn.eu/d/5S6v9Er --- Best Friend Therapy is hosted by Elizabeth Day and Emma Reed Turrell, produced by Chris Sharp. --- Social Media: Elizabeth Day @elizabday Emma Reed Turrell @emmareedturrell Best Friend Therapy @best.friend.therapy

Transcribed - Published: 24 July 2023

S5, Ep 5 Best Friend Therapy: Gaslighting - What is it? How can we recognise coercive control? Does it only affect romantic relationships?

TW; discussions around suicide. This week we are talking about gaslighting, where the term originates from and how it has helped us name a particular type of coercive control. We also talk about how it has been more recently adopted in casual conversation and how therapy talk doesn't always serve us when it’s overused or taken out of context. As always, our insights are informed by popular culture - namely the Archers, Jury Duty and Married at First Sight Australia (we’re talking to you, Harrison). We cover gaslighting as it appears in romantic relationships, but also how it can show up in friendships, family dynamics and broader society. Emma takes us through a Transactional Analysis theory known as Escape Hatches and Elizabeth shares her experience of being on the receiving end of gaslighting, to help us understand what to look out for and how to own our truth. --- For anyone interested in escape hatch theory, here is a clip from two legends of TA, Ian Stewart and Adrienne Lee, discussing how to decide on life: https://youtu.be/FaKxr5Lfkv4 --- Best Friend Therapy is hosted by Elizabeth Day and Emma Reed Turrell, produced by Chris Sharp. --- Social Media: Elizabeth Day @elizabday Emma Reed Turrell @emmareedturrell Best Friend Therapy @best.friend.therapy

Transcribed - Published: 16 July 2023

S5, Ep 4 Best Friend Therapy: Regret - What is regret? How might it be holding us back? Can we learn from experiences that don’t end well?

This week on Best Friend Therapy, we are reflecting on regret. As usual, we strive to keep our conversation authentic, which is why you’ll hear us singing along with Edith Piaf, receiving deliveries from the postman, battling with flies and playing a quick round of Just a Minute… NONE of which we regret because we come to the conclusion that regret really means mourning a life un-lived and, well, we’ll all have plenty of those. We also have the life we are living right now and we reckon this is the one to be present and intentional about. So here is our unfiltered, imperfect, present and intentional take on the tricky feeling of regret. We go deep and reflect on those end of life regrets and what it means to say goodbye, and we resolve, once and for all, whether it’s acceptable to go to bed on an argument. So here’s to cutting yourself some slack for not knowing what you didn’t know, and getting on with the act of the everyday. --- You can read more about the work of Bronnie Ware and her book, "The Top Five Regrets of the Dying: A Life Transformed by the Dearly Departing" at bronnieware.com. --- Best Friend Therapy is hosted by Elizabeth Day and Emma Reed Turrell, produced by Chris Sharp. --- Social Media: Elizabeth Day @elizabday Emma Reed Turrell @emmareedturrell Best Friend Therapy @best.friend.therapy

Transcribed - Published: 10 July 2023

Introducing: It Can't Just Be Me

Hey Listener... We have a podcast we think you'll like! Listen to 'It Can't Just Be Me' now wherever you get your podcasts. New episodes every Wednesday.

Transcribed - Published: 6 July 2023

S5, Ep 3 Best Friend Therapy: Menopause - Is it an ending or a new beginning? How can we tune in to our bodies? What help is out there?

This week we're talking all things menopause. Emma and Elizabeth share their journeys so far, through the wild ride that is peri-menopause, and look at the good (no longer doing things you don't want to do), the bad (next-level anxiety) and the ugly (who knew anyone could sweat this much?). Menopause has gone from being the taboo of previous generations, to a subject discussed openly in mainstream media and we wanted to celebrate this transition into a new stage of womanhood - one that is as much about acceptance as it is change. Whether you're directly affected by menopause or not, we hope this conversation offers you insight into listening to your bodies and growing through change. --- Best Friend Therapy is hosted by Elizabeth Day and Emma Reed Turrell, produced by Chris Sharp. --- Social Media: Elizabeth Day @elizabday Emma Reed Turrell @emmareedturrell Best Friend Therapy @best.friend.therapy

Transcribed - Published: 3 July 2023

S5, Ep 2 Best Friend Therapy: Perfectionism - Is it about control? How does it hold us back? Can we learn to be good enough?

This week on Best Friend Therapy, we're talking about DIY! Ok, we're not but, with all of our references to sanding and painting, we might as well be. We are actually talking about how we need friction to make meaningful bonds and how a glossy finish can get in the way of connection. Because this week we're talking about perfectionism and how it can hold us back. Exploring toxic positivity, the sense of dissatisfaction we're often sold by the beauty industry, and the impact of social media, this week's conversation uncovers the myths of control and why we shouldn't always believe our eyes. Emma advocates "perfect moments" while Elizabeth prefers to reject the notion of perfect altogether. Emma tells us about the fateful day she took a cup of coffee into therapy and Elizabeth spills the tea, as usual. Remember, when you try to be perfect, you can forget to be personal, and we know which we prefer. --- Emma quotes the work of Taibi Kahler on "Drivers": Kahler, T. (1975). Drivers—The Key to the Process Script. Transactional Analysis Journal, 5:3 --- Best Friend Therapy is hosted by Elizabeth Day and Emma Reed Turrell, produced by Chris Sharp. --- Social Media: Elizabeth Day @elizabday Emma Reed Turrell @emmareedturrell Best Friend Therapy @best.friend.therapy

Transcribed - Published: 26 June 2023

S5, Ep 1 Best Friend Therapy: Co-dependency - What makes a relationship unhealthy? How can we change old patterns? Where do we start?

Welcome back, to Season Five of Best Friend Therapy! We're kicking this season off with a conversation all about co-dependency - what does it mean and why is it a problem? We chat about how co-dependency shows up in our families, our friendships and our romantic relationships... how we all need someone but why the person we need most is ourselves. This conversation is a journey from validation to self-validation via the wisdom of Vanderpump Rules and Cilla Black, and even a nod to the potentially co-dependent aspects of our own friendship... Enjoy! --- Best Friend Therapy is hosted by Elizabeth Day and Emma Reed Turrell, produced by Chris Sharp. --- Social Media: Elizabeth Day @elizabday Emma Reed Turrell @emmareedturrell Best Friend Therapy @best.friend.therapy

Transcribed - Published: 19 June 2023

S4, Ep 8 Best Friend Therapy: Empowerment - What is crone energy? Why is ageing positive? How can menopause empower us?

Welcome to this season finale of Best Friend Therapy, in which we're talking about something we could all do with a bit more of in life - crone energy and the empowerment it brings. Far from the Cambridge English dictionary’s definition of a crone as an "ugly, old woman", we are talking about the stage in a woman's life when she reclaims her feminine power and agency, and we chart a journey through the stages of maiden, mother and crone, with a view on women's health, responsibilities and relationships. Emma tells us how the relationship between responsibilty and influence affects our stress levels, and Elizabeth pitches for "Reclaim the Crone" to be printed on a line of T-shirts. Stay tuned for the next season of Best Friend Therapy - coming soon! --- Elizabeth references the following book and article in this week's episode (and Emma dutifully includes them in the show notes): https://www.waterstones.com/book/the-ruin-of-all-witches/malcolm-gaskill/9780141991481 and https://croneconfidence.com/2019/10/16/7-signs-you-might-becoming-a-crone/ --- Best Friend Therapy is hosted by Elizabeth Day and Emma Reed Turrell, produced by Chris Sharp. --- Social Media: Elizabeth Day @elizabday Emma Reed Turrell @emmareedturrell Best Friend Therapy @best.friend.therapy

Transcribed - Published: 17 April 2023

S4, Ep 7 Best Friend Therapy: Narcissists - Do you know a taker? When is a boundary really a demand? How can we protect ourselves?

This week we're talking about those familiar situations, friendships and relationships, in which people take more from us than they give. We look at the difference between boundaries and demands, and explain why our tolerance for narcissistic traits in other people might wear thin as we get older. Elizabeth explores why she has a habit of giving everyone the benefit of the doubt, and Emma shares how her journey through peri-menopause has helped her separate the wheat from the chaff. We leave you with some practical advice about how to communicate more authentically and develop better relationships that are less about giving and more about sharing. --- Best Friend Therapy is hosted by Elizabeth Day and Emma Reed Turrell, produced by Chris Sharp. --- Social Media: Elizabeth Day @elizabday Emma Reed Turrell @emmareedturrell Best Friend Therapy @best.friend.therapy

Transcribed - Published: 10 April 2023

S4 Ep 6 Best Friend Therapy: Guilt - Why do we feel bad? When is it misplaced? What can we do about it?

Guilt is a feeling that plagues so many of us that we felt compelled to dedicate an entire episode to it! Emma explains the difference between authentic guilt and the misplaced guilt we can feel when we turn anger back in on ourselves, and Eizabeth shares 40 things that made her feel guilty in 2021 (and some that still make her feel guilty now!). We talk about how men and women do guilt differently, how guilt can function as a form of self-preservation, why parental guilt stops us problem-solving effectively and what you should do if you still haven't made that phone call (eek). --- Best Friend Therapy is hosted by Elizabeth Day and Emma Reed Turrell, produced by Chris Sharp. --- Social Media: On Instagram... Elizabeth Day @elizabday Emma Reed Turrell @emmareedturrell Best Friend Therapy @best.friend.therapy And on Twitter @bftherapypod

Transcribed - Published: 3 April 2023

S4 Ep 5 Best Friend Therapy: Teenagers - How can we help our teens? What kind of teen were you? Why is defiance essential to development?

This week's Best Friend Therapy is all about teenagers - the ones we used to be and the ones we need to parent, whether that's now or in the future. Elizabeth tells us about her late rebellion and Emma explains why we need to help our adolescents learn to put their coats on, even when we tell them to (which will make much more sense when you listen to the episode!). We look at what's bad behaviour and what's developmentally normative and explore ways to support yourself as a parent and help keep your kids safe - through preparation not prevention. --- Best Friend Therapy is hosted by Elizabeth Day and Emma Reed Turrell, produced by Chris Sharp. --- Social Media: Elizabeth Day @elizabday Emma Reed Turrell @emmareedturrell Best Friend Therapy @best.friend.therapy

Transcribed - Published: 27 March 2023

S4, Ep 4 Best Friend Therapy: Self Worth - What is it? How can we improve our relationship with ourselves? Where do we start?

This week on Best Friend Therapy, we're tackling the thorny issue of self-worth, or the lack of it. Emma explores the difference between self-esteem and "others-esteem" and why we can fall into the trap of outsourcing our sense of self to other people. Elizabeth compares her self-worth to a solar panel and reveals why chunky socks are a better way to keep warm. --- Emma references the psychoanalytical theory of object relations and the work of Donald Winnicott: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Object_relations_theory --- Best Friend Therapy is hosted by Elizabeth Day and Emma Reed Turrell, produced by Chris Sharp. --- Social Media: Elizabeth Day @elizabday Emma Reed Turrell @emmareedturrell Best Friend Therapy @best.friend.therapy

Transcribed - Published: 20 March 2023

S4, Ep 3 Best Friend Therapy: Friendaholic - What makes a friendship addict? Why was Elizabeth compelled to write a book about it?

This week on Best Friend Therapy, we are lucky enough to have an access-all-areas, behind the scenes pass to Elizabeth's brand new book, Friendaholic: Confessions of a Friendship Addict, published by 4th Estate on 30th March 2023. She tells us why she felt this subject was one she had to write about, how the language of friendship has been lacking so far and left us ill-equipped to set boundaries and evolve our friendships into something more authentic. Emma talks about the difference between being friendly and being friends, and Elizabeth explains why her previous friendship strategy was all about finding safety in numbers. Friendaholic explores friendship break-ups, ghosting, the fetishisation of friendship in our culture, the impact of social media and why one size does not fit all. We chat about the masks and mirrors of friendship, why we shouldn't judge a friendship by text turnaround times and why we all have to be responsible for spending our friendship budgets wisely. --- Elizabeth references Glennon Doyle's podcast "We Can Do Hard Things", the work of Robin Dunbar on friendship numbers and Frederick Nietzsche on stars. Friendaholic is available to pre-order here: https://amzn.eu/d/7TUbwYG --- Best Friend Therapy is hosted by Elizabeth Day and Emma Reed Turrell, produced by Chris Sharp. --- Social Media: Elizabeth Day @elizabday Emma Reed Turrell @emmareedturrell Best Friend Therapy @best.friend.therapy

Transcribed - Published: 13 March 2023

S4, Ep 2 Best Friend Therapy: Inside the Therapy Room - How do you find a good therapist? What's involved? How do you become a therapist?

This week on Best Friend Therapy, we are responding to the many requests we've received for a conversation about therapy itself: when to seek therapy, how to find a therapist, how to become a therapist, where to start and what to expect. Emma shares the path she took from selling perfume to private practice and Elizabeth shares some of her experiences as a client in therapy. --- We reference the work of Windy Dryden and you can read more here: https://www.windydryden.com Emma trained at the following institutions: The Gestalt Centre https://gestaltcentre.org.uk, Peter Symonds College https://ahed.psc.ac.uk, Metanoia Institute https://www.metanoia.ac.uk For anyone wanting a taster of Transactional Analysis, The Berne Centre offers a fantastic introductory course: https://theberne.com/ta101---introduction-to-ta Mind has pulled together this comprehensive resource all about finding a therapist, including how to access NHS services, charities, workplace and educational services and private therapists: https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/drugs-and-treatments/talking-therapy-and-counselling/how-to-find-a-therapist/ HIIT therapy sessions with Emma are bookable at emmareedturrell.as.me or for more on her work on people-pleasing, you can get a copy of her book Please Yourself here: https://amzn.eu/d/hiLPoRL --- Best Friend Therapy is hosted by Elizabeth Day and Emma Reed Turrell, produced by Chris Sharp. --- Social Media: Elizabeth Day @elizabday Emma Reed Turrell @emmareedturrell Best Friend Therapy @best.friend.therapy

Transcribed - Published: 6 March 2023

S4, Ep 1 Best Friend Therapy: Grief - How can we cope with loss? What is the function of grief? How can we help people who are grieving?

TW: Trauma, miscarriage. Welcome back to season four of Best Friend Therapy! We wanted to open this new beginning with a conversation about ending because the two go hand in hand and because grief is a subject that touches us all. It has been one of our most requested topics and we hope we can do it justice, as we discuss aspects of grief such as anticipatory grief, traumatic grief and collective grief, how to support others who are grieving, and how to parent children through loss. Emma explains the the 'concertina' effect we can feel when past losses catch up with us in the present and Elizabeth shares the stories of people she has interviewed, that have helped her understand how to live alongside loss. Not only dealing with bereavement, we cover the ending of friendships, the loss that comes with house moves and empty-nest syndrome, to understand how we can make meaning of grief and why its purpose is also positive. And, if you're grieving right now - know that we see you and you're not alone. --- Elizabeth references these books that she has found to be helpful: "A Heart that Works" by Rob Delaney, "The Year of Magical Thinking" by Joan Didion, and "After You" by Natascha McElhone. And you can hear Elizabeth interviewing Mo Gawdat on her podcast How to Fail here: https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/how-to-fail-with-elizabeth-day/id1407451189?i=1000436244962 --- Best Friend Therapy is hosted by Elizabeth Day and Emma Reed Turrell, produced by Chris Sharp. --- Social Media: Elizabeth Day @elizabday Emma Reed Turrell @emmareedturrell Best Friend Therapy @best.friend.therapy

Transcribed - Published: 27 February 2023

S3, BONUS EPISODE! Best Friend Therapy: Flexibility - How can it help? Why does balance matter? Is it about change or acceptance?

Happy New Year from Best Friend Therapy! We're so delighted to be back with you for another year of conversations where we talk about what's on our minds, to get deeper in our minds. And we're kicking off with this bonus episode on the timely topic of flexibility - from flexibility in exercise, to worklife and relationships. We explore how we can tune in to our emotional equalizers to tell us what we need and what we have to give, as we head into the new year. Emma explains why a balance between acceptance and change is important and tells us why we need to drop the rope and get on the seesaw, and Elizabeth explains what happens when we hyperextend and shares some of the warning signs we can all look out for. --- You can learn more about Myers Briggs here: 16personalities.com or thepersonalitylab.org --- This episode is sponsored by Peloton – a fitness experience for your body and mind, so motivating and exhilarating that you’ll come back to it time and time again. Find out more by visiting https://www.onepeloton.co.uk --- Best Friend Therapy is hosted by Elizabeth Day and Emma Reed Turrell, produced by Chris Sharp. --- Social Media: Elizabeth Day @elizabday Emma Reed Turrell @emmareedturrell Best Friend Therapy @best.friend.therapy

Transcribed - Published: 9 January 2023

S3, Ep 8 Best Friend Therapy: Festive Hangovers - Why can Christmas feel complicated? How can we support ourselves? What can we learn?

Merry Christmas from Best Friend Therapy! Or not. Because, however your festive season has been this year, and however you chose to celebrate, you’re welcome in this conversation. So join us, as we ease our festive hangovers together (both literal and metaphorical). Special occasions and holidays can be a flashpoint for emotions, and expectation can be the thief of joy. We’re not responsible for other people’s enjoyment of Christmas and yet the pressures to shop, socialise, cook, dress, eat and drink in festive form, can overwhelm even the most hardened people-pleasers among us. Emma and Elizabeth share their best and worst Christmasses and offer advice if you’ve had a tough one this year. And we look forward by looking back, because the Christmas run-up can be one big set-up, and it’s something we can learn from for the future. *genuine hangover advice also provided* --- Best Friend Therapy is hosted by Elizabeth Day and Emma Reed Turrell, produced by Chris Sharp. To contact us, email [email protected] --- Social Media: Elizabeth Day @elizabday Emma Reed Turrell @emmareedturrell Best Friend Therapy @best.friend.therapy

Transcribed - Published: 26 December 2022

S3, Ep 7 Best Friend Therapy: Feeling Left Out - What is FOMO? How can loneliness affect us? Why is self-awareness the antidote?

You’ll never be left out from Best Friend Therapy, but if it’s a feeling you know elsewhere in your life, this week’s episode might be for you. We’re talking about FOMO, not being invited to the party, or sitting at home in your pyjamas while everyone else is out having fun (although, this sounds like Emma’s idea of heaven). Born into the world dependent on others and racked with self-consciousness throughout puberty, it’s no surprise that humans are sensitive to feeling left out. We’re here to help you feel more grounded and better able to build connections by becoming the most *you* version of yourself, and starting from a place of self-belonging. We talk about the joy of being left out and the importance of saying no to some invitations, to be able to say yes to the ones that count. Elizabeth admits that she hates Glastonbury and Emma finds her spiritual home in the M&S café. They both also lose the plot when trying to talk about a rustle in the bush and will endeavour to be more professional in future. --- Best Friend Therapy is hosted by Elizabeth Day and Emma Reed Turrell, produced by Chris Sharp. To contact us, email [email protected] --- Social Media: Elizabeth Day @elizabday Emma Reed Turrell @emmareedturrell Best Friend Therapy @best.friend.therapy

Transcribed - Published: 19 December 2022

S3, Ep 6 Best Friend Therapy: Dreams - Why do we dream? How can they help us? What on earth did Elizabeth's dream mean?

It’s a bit of a different episode this week, as Emma takes Elizabeth through a live therapy process of dream analysis. Listen along while Elizabeth unpacks her deepest subconscious, meet her happy-go-lucky island and her all-seeing sky, and hear what Emma has to say about the meaning behind the dream. And learn for yourself how to interpret your own dreams, so that you too can unpack the valuable insights that your night-time mind has to offer. --- You can read more on Carl Jung here: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Carl_Jung And "Dreams" was sung by Gabrielle, not Annie Lennox. But she did sing "Sweet Dreams", so Elizabeth was on the right track. --- Best Friend Therapy is hosted by Elizabeth Day and Emma Reed Turrell, produced by Chris Sharp. To contact us, email [email protected] --- Social Media: Elizabeth Day @elizabday Emma Reed Turrell @emmareedturrell Best Friend Therapy @best.friend.therapy

Transcribed - Published: 12 December 2022

S3, Ep 5 Best Friend Therapy: Anxiety - Why do we feel anxious? Is it always a bad thing? What can we do about it?

This week, on Best Friend Therapy, we’re talking about feeling anxious (and we're feeling quite anxious while we’re doing it). Anxiety can take many forms, be it seasonal, situational, or a post-pandemic hangover. As a diffuse term, it's not always helpful, so we’re here to break it down and challenge some of the assumptions attached to those sensations we get when we’re living with ambiguity, coping with life outside of our control or, dare we say it, even a bit excited? Emma shares her blissful morning moments and liberates us to journal in whichever way we want. Elizabeth calls out the anxiety attached to our anti-anxiety efforts and tells us why reality TV is her wind-down go-to. --- Alain de Botton on pessimism: https://youtu.be/Aw1oLtuJOXQ And in case you didn’t recognise Emma’s rendition, here’s the real Minnie Riperton, singing Lovin’ You: https://youtu.be/9I3UTG1dSTc --- Best Friend Therapy is hosted by Elizabeth Day and Emma Reed Turrell, produced by Chris Sharp. To contact us, email [email protected] --- Social Media: Elizabeth Day @elizabday Emma Reed Turrell @emmareedturrell

Transcribed - Published: 5 December 2022

S3, Ep 4 Best Friend Therapy: Working With Your Best Friend - Is it all plain sailing? What if you disagree? How can you make it work?

Lots of our lovely listeners have asked us what it’s like to work with your best friend, so this week we’re here to spill the tea. It’s take your bestie to work day. We talk about what we've loved, from sharing a joint purpose, to finding out more about each other (and sneaking off for lovely recording weekends!) We talk about what we’ve learned, including our fear of letting each other down, what our different metrics of success can teach us, and how to keep the relationship at the heart of everything we do. And we talk about how to do it if you want to give it a try yourselves - with boundaries, clear communication and tons of mutual respect. Whether it’s co-parenting or partnering in a business, working with a loved one can be so rewarding and we’re here to share our top tips for making it a success. --- Best Friend Therapy is hosted by Elizabeth Day and Emma Reed Turrell, produced by Chris Sharp. To contact us, email [email protected] --- Social Media: Elizabeth Day @elizabday Emma Reed Turrell @emmareedturrell Best Friend Therapy @best.friend.therapy

Transcribed - Published: 28 November 2022

S3, Ep 3 Best Friend Therapy: Attachment Styles - What are they? How do they affect us? What do they mean for our relationships?

This week, on Best Friend Therapy, we’re talking about attachments. No, not the Velcro and poppers kind, but the way we *emotionally* attach to other people. We look at the work of psychologists like John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth, to get a better understanding of the way we develop expectations of other people, and how we might have created emotional defences to protect our vulnerability. We explain how strategies that set us up for safety in childhood might actually get in our way as adults, when it comes to making successful friendships, romantic relationships and professional connections. Emma tells us a story about a picnic blanket and Elizabeth reminds us of those mice and their cheese machines that we first encountered in Season One. ---- This week's references include: "A Short Introduction to Attachment and Attachment Disorder" by Colby Pearce: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Short-Introduction-Attachment-Disorder-Second-dp-1785920588/dp/1785920588/ref=dp_ob_title_bk The work of John Bowlby: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Bowlby And Mary Ainsworth’s Strange Situation experiment: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Strange_situation --- Best Friend Therapy is hosted by Elizabeth Day and Emma Reed Turrell, produced by Chris Sharp. --- Social Media: Elizabeth Day @elizabday Emma Reed Turrell @emmareedturrell Best Friend Therapy @best.friend.therapy

Transcribed - Published: 21 November 2022

S3, Ep 2 Best Friend Therapy: Dating - Why is it so hard sometimes? Do apps have a lot to answer for? What can it teach us about ourselves?

This week's episode of Best Friend Therapy *cue gravelly trailer voiceover* tells one woman's courageous journey through the world of online dating, and what it took to survive on the apps... Only joking, Elizabeth, it wasn't that bad! We do discover how good she is at succession planning, however, and we offer our advice for how to navigate all the different dating advice that's available (see what we did there?). Rejection may be one reality of dating but we also look at its potential for data acquisition and self-discovery. We explore how online dating has made meeting people seem more disposable and Emma proposes a new dating app that kicks you off the platforms and into real life. Elizabeth tells us how she went from a definition of eligible as “not creepy”, to being married to the lovely Justin, and brings a voice of hope and understanding to anyone still looking for their Happily Ever After. --- Elizabeth references: “The Age of Innocence” by Edith Wharton https://www.waterstones.com/book/the-age-of-innocence/edith-wharton/lionel-shriver/9780099511281 https://www.sosyncd.com --- Best Friend Therapy is hosted by Elizabeth Day and Emma Reed Turrell, produced by Chris Sharp. To contact us, email [email protected] --- Social Media: Elizabeth Day @elizabday Emma Reed Turrell @emmareedturrell Best Friend Therapy @best.friend.therapy

Transcribed - Published: 14 November 2022

S3, Ep 1 Best Friend Therapy: Anger - Is anger different from rage? How can it help us? Why do we end up feeling guilty instead?

Welcome back to Season Three of Best Friend Therapy! We are so delighted to be with you for another season of conversations and this week we’re talking about something that gets a bad rap in our society and is often misunderstood – it’s the feeling of anger and it’s one of Emma’s favourites. We talk about the difference between anger management and anger expression, understand why Elizabeth shut herself in a cupboard and gave herself a good talking to, and we explain why guilt and anger are so often muddled up. We take a magical mystery tour through female rage from Rosa Parks to Lorena Bobbit, stop off with Michael Douglas in Falling Down, and end up at the dog park with Emma and Betty (her golden retriever), to hopefully bring you a better understanding of what anger is, and what it isn’t. --- Elizabeth's understanding of anger was informed by: "Anne of Green Gables" by L. M. Montgomery https://www.waterstones.com/book/anne-of-green-gables/l-m-montgomery/9780349009308 and: "Good and Mad: The Revolutionary Power of Women's Anger" by Rebecca Traister https://www.waterstones.com/book/good-and-mad/rebecca-traister/9781501181818 --- Best Friend Therapy is hosted by Elizabeth Day and Emma Reed Turrell, produced by Chris Sharp. To contact us, email [email protected] --- Social Media: Elizabeth Day @elizabday Emma Reed Turrell @emmareedturrell Best Friend Therapy @best.friend.therapy

Transcribed - Published: 7 November 2022

S3 Best Friend Therapy: Trailer

Season Three of Best Friend Therapy is coming very soon! We can't wait to be back with you next week, for more conversations about the topics that get us all talking... starting with the things that make our blood boil. Subscribe now and make sure you don't miss a single episode!

Transcribed - Published: 31 October 2022

S2, Ep 8 Best Friend Therapy: Quitting - Is it the same as giving up? Can we quit well? What's the risk if we don't quit?

Welcome to Best Friend Therapy, where we chat about what's on our minds, to get deeper in our minds, and we've come to end of Season Two already! So we're throwing in the towel, we're giving up, we're admitting defeat - oh no, wait a minute, we're not actually quitting, we're just *talking* about quitting this week. Phew! We would never abandon our lovely listeners because quitting is a bad thing... it's an admission of failure... it's a sign of weakness. Right? Well, it turns out we're not so sure and this week we'll be exploring whether quitting gets a bad press it doesn't deserve. Whether quitting can also be an active way to end something with agency. Whether fear of the unknown keeps us doing what we know, even when that unknown could be a better job, a happier relationship or an outcome that feels right. We explore how to quit aspects of a situation if you aren’t ready or able to quit altogether, and we ponder whether, if something quits you, was it even right for you in the first place? Elizabeth wrestles with how to quit therapy and Emma quits trying to save everybody else. --- Elizabeth references 'Adapted Child' from Eric Berne's P-A-C model which is brilliantly explained in this text: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Today-New-Introduction-Transactional-Analysis/dp/1870244028/ref=sr_1_2?adgrpid=52680008869&gclid=Cj0KCQjw9ZGYBhCEARIsAEUXITUSzQNTHrxFAt0SFN2S32O6YIlGcfQ533iG6z_dqO5i5w2s9oBuMdYaAmnUEALw_wcB&hvadid=259035468682&hvdev=c&hvlocphy=9045783&hvnetw=g&hvqmt=e&hvrand=9682401238517000128&hvtargid=kwd-298703266987&hydadcr=3222_1824632&keywords=ta+today&qid=1661272526&sr=8-2 You can listen to Eckhart Tolle on Super Soul Sundays with Oprah Winfrey here: https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/eckhart-tolle-session-the-awakening-of-consciousness/id1264843400?i=1000443295402 Elizabeth Kubler Ross on the Grief Cycle: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Grief-Grieving-Finding-Meaning-Through/dp/0743263448 Emma uses the Gestalt terms, 'figure' and 'field' and a great introduction to Gestalt psychotherapy can be found here: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Gestalt-Counselling-Helping-People-Change/dp/0863881335 --- Best Friend Therapy is hosted by Elizabeth Day and Emma Reed Turrell, produced by Chris Sharp. To contact us, email [email protected] --- Social Media: Elizabeth Day @elizabday Emma Reed Turrell @emmareedturrell Best Friend Therapy @best.friend.therapy

Transcribed - Published: 5 September 2022

S2, Ep 7 Best Friend Therapy: Transactional Analysis Therapy - What is it? What happens when Emma therapises Elizabeth live on air?

Welcome to Best Friend Therapy, where we chat about what's on our minds, to get deeper in our minds, and this week we're doing something a little bit different. We're going down the rabbit hole and we're taking you with us, as Emma therapises the hell out of Elizabeth. Using Transactional Analysis techniques, Emma takes Elizabeth on a journey of self-discovery and hopefully sets you up to do the same. Bring a question or a situation of your own and follow along, as you discover your internal voices and find your way to an Adult way of seeing things. Find out why Emma loves a game of hopscotch, and why you wouldn't want to meet Silvana down a dark alley. --- This episode is based on the work of Eric Berne, who you can find out about here: https://ericberne.com And you can learn more about Transactional Analysis in a brilliantly accessible text here: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Today-New-Introduction-Transactional-Analysis/dp/1870244028/ref=sr_1_2?adgrpid=52680008869&gclid=Cj0KCQjw9ZGYBhCEARIsAEUXITXUrgNprG_RpeBC-2woMc3QgCJdfhqCTO2i_dkAsPSPWv-_e4s0EBYaAi9OEALw_wcB&hvadid=259035468682&hvdev=c&hvlocphy=9045783&hvnetw=g&hvqmt=e&hvrand=3426000332817789466&hvtargid=kwd-298703266987&hydadcr=3222_1824632&keywords=ta+today&qid=1661272287&sr=8-2 --- Best Friend Therapy is hosted by Elizabeth Day and Emma Reed Turrell, produced by Chris Sharp. To contact us, email [email protected] --- Social Media: Elizabeth Day @elizabday Emma Reed Turrell @emmareedturrell Best Friend Therapy @best.friend.therapy

Transcribed - Published: 29 August 2022

S2, Ep 6 Best Friend Therapy: Divorce - Is it failure or evolution? How does it affect wider relationships? Is there a way to divorce well?

Welcome to Best Friend Therapy, where we chat about what's on our minds, to get deeper in our minds, and this week we're turning up the volume on some Tammy Wynette (not Dolly Parton, Emma) to talk about D.I.V.O.R.C.E. Stigmatised by society as a shameful failure, or presented as an opportunity to grow and evolve, divorce (as the name suggests) can be divisive. We challenge the notion that a long-lasting marriage is a successful one, draw a distinction between "fair" and "equal" when it comes to co-parenting, and discuss the friendship and family fall-out that can come as a by-product of divorce. Elizabeth shares her personal experience of divorce and takes Emma on a magical mystery tour through Elizabeth's experiences of dating in the aftermath. Roar. --- "Conscious Uncoupling: The 5 Steps to Living Happily Even After" by Katherine Woodward Thomas is available here: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Conscious-Uncoupling-Steps-Living-Happily/dp/1473619327/ref=asc_df_1473619327/?tag=googshopuk-21&linkCode=df0&hvadid=310973726618&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=14366100668256074437&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=1007093&hvtargid=pla-453601331467&psc=1&th=1&psc=1 "For One More Day" by Mitch Albom is available here: https://www.amazon.co.uk/One-More-Day-Mitch-Albom/dp/0751537500/ref=sr_1_1?crid=3R5XSEXF4TC61&keywords=for+one+more+day&qid=1660723850&s=books&sprefix=for+one+more+day%2Cstripbooks%2C111&sr=1-1 --- Best Friend Therapy is hosted by Elizabeth Day and Emma Reed Turrell, produced by Chris Sharp. To contact us, email [email protected] --- Social Media: Elizabeth Day @elizabday Emma Reed Turrell @emmareedturrell Best Friend Therapy @best.friend.therapy

Transcribed - Published: 22 August 2022

S2, Ep 5 Best Friend Therapy: Feelings - Why do we have feelings? What should we do with them? Is anxiety a masking emotion?

Welcome to Best Friend Therapy, where we chat about what's on our minds, to get deeper in our minds, and this week we're bringing you a Feelings 101 - everything you ever needed to know about what we feel, why we feel, and how feelings can be our best guides when it comes to meeting our needs. Sadness, anger, fear, joy, jealousy, envy, guilt or shame. Pick your poison. There's a feeling for every situation and an action required for every feeling. This week we join the dots to help you know what action you need to take, to feel more authentic and empowered in life. Emma explains the 'core feelings' and the needs they signal, and Elizabeth tries to disarm her with the cuteness of a baby deer. --- This week we reference some previous episodes of Best Friend Therapy: Games, Competition, Imposter Syndrome from Season 1, and Jealousy from Season 2. "Good Reasons for Bad Feelings" is by Randolph M. Nesse: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Good-Reasons-Bad-Feelings-Evolutionary/dp/0241291089 Accessible and informative summaries of Richard Erskine's work on 'Racket Feelings', Jackie Schiff's work on 'Reparenting' and Eric Berne's 'Parent-Adult-Child' model can all be found in a fantastic book called "TA Today" by Ian Stewart and Vann Joines: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Today-New-Introduction-Transactional-Analysis/dp/1870244028 And thank you Merriam-Webster for confirming the true etymology of the 'fawn' response: Middle English speakers adapted an Old English word meaning "to rejoice" to create the verb faunen, which shifted in spelling over time to become fawn. That Old English word, in turn, derives from fagan, meaning "glad." Fagan is also an ancestor of the English adjective fain, whose earliest (now obsolete) meaning is "happy" or "pleased." This fawn is not, however, related to the noun fawn, referring to a young deer. For that we can thank the Latin noun fetus, meaning "offspring." Sorry Liz. --- Best Friend Therapy is hosted by Elizabeth Day and Emma Reed Turrell, produced by Chris Sharp. To contact us, email [email protected] --- Social Media: Elizabeth Day @elizabday Emma Reed Turrell @emmareedturrell Best Friend Therapy @best.friend.therapy

Transcribed - Published: 15 August 2022

S2, Ep 4 Best Friend Therapy: Toxic Friendships - How do we define friendship? What makes a friendship toxic? What can we do about it?

Welcome to Best Friend Therapy, where we chat about what's on our minds, to get deeper in our minds, and this week we're talking about a hotly requested topic - toxic friendships. We talk about how the pandemic reset friendship protocol for many of us, how introverts and extroverts get along, different definitions of friendship and what a co-dependent friendship feels like. We practice using conflict constructively to negotiate healthy friendship boundaries and we tackle that dreaded question, how do you break up with a friend? Elizabeth gets her head around the concept of friendship dating and Emma introduces the idea of a friendship Venn diagram. She loves a diagram. --- Elizabeth refers to our first episode of Season 2 about People-Pleasing, which you can listen to here: https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/s2-ep1-best-friend-therapy-people-pleasing-why-do-we/id1614793299?i=1000570241594 Glennon Doyle's podcast "We Can Do Hard Things" can be heard here: https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/we-can-do-hard-things-with-glennon-doyle/id1564530722 --- Best Friend Therapy is hosted by Elizabeth Day and Emma Reed Turrell, produced by Chris Sharp. To contact us, email [email protected] --- Social Media: Elizabeth Day @elizabday Emma Reed Turrell @emmareedturrell Best Friend Therapy @best.friend.therapy

Transcribed - Published: 8 August 2022

S2, Ep 3 Best Friend Therapy: Jealousy - Why do we feel jealous? How does it affect our relationships? What can we do about it?

Welcome to Best Friend Therapy, where we chat about what's on our minds, to get deeper in our minds, and this week we're talking about jealousy. Do you have a touch of the green-eyed monster? Well, that might not be a bad thing. Because jealousy can show up to tell us when a relationship we value requires some maintenance - we jealously guard something because it matters to us. Sometimes that relationship will be with a friend or loved one, but sometimes the relationship that needs our attention is the one we have with ourselves. In this episode, Elizabeth and Emma share with brutal honesty the times in their lives they have felt jealous, and Emma challenges the dangerous idea that we should feel flattered or gracious when someone else is jealous of us. Emma reveals her avoidant side and why she'd rather just play in a different sandpit, and Elizabeth reveals that she can get you whatever you need from the Dark Web. JK. --- Elizabeth's How to Fail episode with Alain de Botton can be heard here: https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/how-to-fail-with-elizabeth-day/id1407451189?i=1000452022015 Emma talks about the work of Freud and Bowlby in terms of attachment and object relations, you can read more about it here: https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/best-friend-therapy/id1614793299?i=1000556922612 You can listen to the BFT episodes of Shoulds and Oughts and Special Occasions here: https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/best-friend-therapy/id1614793299?i=1000556922612 https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/best-friend-therapy/id1614793299?i=1000556922612 --- Best Friend Therapy is hosted by Elizabeth Day and Emma Reed Turrell, produced by Chris Sharp. To contact us, email [email protected] --- Social Media: Elizabeth Day @elizabday Emma Reed Turrell @emmareedturrell Best Friend Therapy @best.friend.therapy

Transcribed - Published: 1 August 2022

S2, Ep 2 Best Friend Therapy: Fertility - What's the reality? How does the language impact us? How can we support each other?

TW: Miscarriage This week's episode is on a subject that's incredibly close to our hearts - fertility. We wanted to do it justice by sharing some very personal stories and so it feels important to say that, if you are going through a fertility journey right now and don't feel this is the episode for you, we see you and we will be here for you if you want to come back to it another time. If you do want to listen, we see you too, and you'll hear us talk openly about miscarriage, IVF and the realities of parenthood. You'll hear Elizabeth coin a phrase that everyone has to hear - "fertility privilege" - and you'll hear first hand how to support someone else who is going through their own journey to parenthood. If this episode resonates with you, we hope you feel less alone after listening. --- Best Friend Therapy is hosted by Elizabeth Day and Emma Reed Turrell, produced by Chris Sharp. To contact us, email [email protected] --- Social Media: Elizabeth Day @elizabday Emma Reed Turrell @emmareedturrell Best Friend Therapy @best.friend.therapy

Transcribed - Published: 25 July 2022

S2, Ep1 Best Friend Therapy: People-Pleasing - Why do we do it? Is it really nice to be nice? How do we say no?

We're back! We're so happy to be coming to you with Season Two of Best Friend Therapy, where we chat about what's on our minds, to get deeper in our minds. And we have felt SO bad about having left you for so long. We've been worried that we'd let you down, or you wouldn't like us anymore. So we stayed up all night thinking about how to make it up to you, how to please you... hmmn. Hang on a minute, I see what we're doing here. So this one's for the people-pleasers, the people-pleasers in recovery, and the people who'll avoid the pressures to please at any cost. We talk about why outsourcing our sense of self to others is a risky business, the four (yes, four!) different types of people-pleasing, how to raise your stock at work and renegotiate your friendships, and why straight talking in romantic relationships is the new pillow talk. --- Correction: When we're talking about 'heeding the seed', we're referring back to Season One, Episode Three on 'Shoulds & Oughts', not Episode 7 on 'Competition' as Emma thought. So it's 1-0 to Elizabeth. That'll please her. Emma is so passionate about how to stop people-pleasing that she's written a book about it, and you can buy it from all good book stores, but here's a link to make it easy: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Please-Yourself-Stop-People-Pleasing-Transform/dp/0008409374 The episode of How to Fail with Elizabeth Day, featuring Emma, was Episode Seven from Season Ten and you can listen to it here: https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/how-to-fail-with-elizabeth-day/id1407451189?i=1000513387472 --- Best Friend Therapy is hosted by Elizabeth Day and Emma Reed Turrell, produced by Chris Sharp. To contact us, email [email protected] --- Social Media: Elizabeth Day @elizabday Emma Reed Turrell @emmareedturrell Best Friend Therapy @best.friend.therapy

Transcribed - Published: 18 July 2022

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