Zachary Stockill is an award-winning Canadian researcher, writer, podcaster, and educator. Zachary is the author of Overcoming Retroactive Jealousy and discusses with Roger a lot of the shame men experience when trying to find resources or help to overcome their irrational jealousy. Zachary knows the subject all too well because he too was once a man who obsessed over his then-girlfriend's past. Discover more about the unhealthy and obsessive habits jealous men often fall into.   Key Takeaways: [2:20] What was one of Zachary's defining moments? [5:05] What does Zachary do? [4:50] Zachary unpacks what 'retroactive jealousy' means. [7:00] Out of nowhere, Zachary came up with ridiculous scenarios about his then-girlfriend and became jealous.  [8:00] Despite realizing his jealousy, Zachary couldn't find the right resources that would address this issue for him. [8:20] Both men and woman experience this equally. [9:35] Men tend to have extreme double standards towards women who have done the same sort of sexual activities men have done in the past. [10:05] A lot of men try to figure out a woman's past to see if it's in line with their ideal values. [10:45] Male insecurity goes back a long way. [11:40] Stop talking with your partner about their past - for now. You stop the cycle by doing this. [13:00] What do you value in your relationship and what do you value in your partner? [14:50] Sometimes people lie about their past just to sooth their partner. [15:30] Own your problem. This is not your partner's problem. [17:40] Some men might believe that if they hooked up with an angel of a woman, then their relationship would be so much better. Of course, this is just not true. [19:10] There's a lot of shame around jealousy. Zachary still feels ashamed by the way he used to act. [19:15] What can men do to open up this conversation? [19:25] A lot of men don't have real friends. [20:10] The problem doesn't resolve on its own. You have to step in and do the work. [21:00] Keep focusing on personal development. Focus on your insecurities. [21:30] Meditation is huge! [22:25] The reality is we're never going to be perfect. The learning never stops. [23:05] How does Roger stay off depression? [24:20] Make an effort to be friends with older men. Seek out worldly people. [27:55] What gets Zachary out of bed every day? [29:25] When Zachary first wrote the book, he wrote it under a pen name.   Mentioned in This Episode: www.mantalks.com/ info@ManTalks.ca www.zfstockill.com/ www.retroactivejealousy.com/ www.travelsinmusic.com/   Music Credit: Parlange & Latenite Automatic (www.jesusparlange.com – www.lateniteautomatic.com) See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices