You Might Be the Toxic One — Here’s How to Fix It in 5 Steps

The Dr. Leaf Show

Dr. Caroline Leaf

Health & Fitness, Mental Health

4.7 • 3.3K Ratings

🗓️ 25 March 2026

⏱️ 45 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Most people believe they’re less harmful than the average person.But research tells a very different story. The small things — short replies, subtle defensiveness, dismissive reactions — are often the behaviors that quietly damage relationships over time. And the hardest part? Most people don’t see it in themselves. In this episode, Dr. Caroline Leaf breaks down why toxic behavior doesn’t begin with bad intentions — it begins with an unresolved thought. Using neuroscience and mind-brain research, she explains the hidden internal sequence that drives your reactions: Signal → Trigger → Thought → Meaning → Action Once you see this pattern, you can finally change it. You’ll learn how to identify the exact moment your reactions are formed, uncover the thought behind your behavior, and take intentional steps to rewire patterns that others experience as “toxic” — even when you don’t mean them that way. 🔬 What you’ll learn: Why the gap between intention and impact is where toxic patterns live How confirmation bias blinds you to your own behavior The real reason you become defensive, dismissive, or reactive How to identify the one thought driving your reaction A 5-step framework to change patterns and improve your relationships 🧩 Resources & Support: Explore tools to help you apply what you learn in this episode: Dr. Leaf’s research-backed resources & coaching: drleaf.com Neurocycle® App — track your emotional warning signals and retrain thought patterns Books & courses to help you manage your mind and transform your habits 1:1 Coaching with Dr. Leaf https://drleaf.com/coaching-1-1 💬 What pattern did you recognize in yourself while listening?Awareness is the first step toward change. Sponsors making this show possible: BETTERHELP: Find support and feel lighter in therapy. Sign up and get 10% off at BetterHelp.com/drleaf. SHOPIFY: Sign up for your one-dollar-per-month trial today at Shopify.com/leaf BROOKLYN BEDDING: Get 30% OFF with code DRLEAF at Brooklynbedding.com VERACITY: So make the switch to GLP-1s the natural way. Head to VeracityHealth.co and use code DRLEAF for up to 60% off your order. HELLOFRESH: Go to HelloFresh.com/drleaf10fm to get 10 free meals plus a FREE Zwilling Knife — a $144.99 value — on your third box. Offer valid while supplies last. Free meals applied as discount on first box, new subscribers only, varies by plan.

Transcript

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0:00.0	By the end of this episode, you will know whether you've been contributing to the very
0:04.9	problems you think others are causing.
0:07.5	And if that sounds uncomfortable, stay with me, because discomfort is often the first sign that
0:12.4	something important is surfacing.
0:15.0	Here's the fact that really gets talked about.
0:17.4	In recent behavioral studies, behavioral research shows that most people rate themselves as less harmful or less difficult than the average person.
0:26.6	Yet, when researchers examine communication patterns, they consistently find behaviors that wear down the people around them.
0:34.6	So the gap between how we see ourselves and how our actions land is one of the
0:39.3	biggest blind spots in relationships. Workplace research also reveals something confronting.
0:45.4	It isn't just major arguments that damage trust, but it's small microreactions, short replies,
0:51.8	subtle defensiveness, dismissive facial expressions, those could slowly drain connection over time, not because people set out to cause harm, but because they never really recognize the pattern they keep repeating. These misalignments accumulate, and from the outside they read as toxic even when they feel justified on the inside.
1:12.5	And if any part of you is thinking, this probably isn't about me, that reaction alone might be the
1:18.1	biggest indicator to pay attention to. People really notice their own contribution because
1:23.5	the mind normalizes repeated behaviors quickly. So in this week's episode, we are
1:29.2	unpacking why you might be contributing more to the problem than you actually realize
1:34.8	how these patterns form and the five steps to change everything with intention. Let's get into it.
1:55.7	Before we talk about fixing toxic patterns, we need to understand what the word toxic actually means from a scientific perspective.
1:58.5	People really throw that word around quite casually.
2:01.9	But in neuroscience and psychology, what we often call toxic behavior is really a thought pattern created by mismanaged signals, distorted
2:08.2	interpretations and automatic reactions that were never really examined and dealt with. These
2:13.6	patterns form because the mind is constantly processing meaning, drawing from past experiences, and directing the brain to respond accordingly.
2:21.3	The mind leads with perception. The brain follows with physical changes.
	...

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