You Can’t Have Two Alphas in a Relationship—Here’s Why | Lisa & Tom Bilyeu (Relationship Theory)

Women of Impact

Impact Theory

Education, Society & Culture, Mental Health, Relationships, Health & Fitness

4.7 • 657 Ratings

🗓️ 30 March 2025

⏱️ 55 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Fan Favorite: This episode originally aired on May 11, 2018. What up, everyone! It's Lisa Bilyeu here, and I'm pumped to welcome you to another episode of the Women of Impact podcast! Today, Tom and I are diving deep into something we've been getting asked about a ton – the dynamics of alpha and beta roles in relationships. Trust me, this episode is a game-changer if you've ever felt like you and your partner are butting heads or if you're just curious about how to harmonize your relationship dynamics. We're unpacking the defining traits of these roles and whether they're set in stone or something you can work on and adapt. And we're not stopping there! We're also tackling how these roles play out in real life, dissecting everything from leadership within the relationship to how these roles affect decision-making and execution. Guys, whether you see yourself as an alpha, a beta, or you're still figuring it out, this conversation is sure to bring you clarity and maybe even transform the way you approach your relationship dynamics. So grab your favorite hot drink, sit back, and get ready to soak in some serious wisdom on how to own your role and support your partner in theirs! SHOWNOTES 00:00 Welcome to Relationship Theory Live 00:05 The Exciting Topic of Alpha and Beta Roles 00:54 Courtney Locke's Two-Part Question 01:42 Defining Characteristics of Alpha and Beta 02:20 Nelson Mandela: A Model for Alpha Leadership 03:31 Lessons in Leadership from Lord Shackleton 05:42 Debunking Misconceptions About Beta Roles 08:45 Are Relationship Roles Innate or Changeable? 09:23 Tom's Journey from Beta to Alpha 10:07 Lisa's Alpha Past and Her Evolving Role 13:46 Communicating Role Dynamics in Relationships 15:06 How Situational Leadership Plays a Role 15:30 Establishing Clear Roles in Emergencies 18:32 The Porous Nature of Alpha and Beta Roles 21:38 Questions on Identifying Roles in a Relationship 23:11 Finding Value and Comfort in Your Role 25:41 The Impact of Cultural Baggage on Role Perception 28:47 The Importance of Role Clarity and Communication 33:19 Real-Life Examples of Alpha-Beta Dynamics 36:18 Closing Thoughts on Successful Relationship Dynamics 46:12 How to Support Us and What's Next CHECK OUT OUR SPONSORS Audible: Sign up for a free 30-day trial at https://audible.com/WOI Vital Proteins: Get 20% off by going to https://www.vitalproteins.com and entering promo code WOI at check out. SKIMS: Check out the Fits Everybody Collection at https://www.skims.com/woi #skimspartner Kettle & Fire: Get 20% off at https://kettleandfire.com/lisa with code LISA Quince: Check out Quince: https://quince.com/woi Shopify: Sign up for your one-dollar-per-month trial period at https://shopify.com/lisa NPR Fresh Air: Tune into Fresh Air from NPR to hear some of the most insightful interviews anywhere—wherever you get your podcasts. Join Tom live on his Twitch stream. He’s live daily from 6:30 to 8:30 am PT at www.twitch.tv/tombilyeu ********************************************************************** FOLLOW TOM: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/tombilyeu/ Tik Tok: https://www.tiktok.com/@tombilyeu?lang=en Twitter: https://twitter.com/tombilyeu YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@TomBilyeu ********************************************************************** LISTEN TO WOMEN OF IMPACT AD FREE + BONUS EPISODES on APPLE PODCASTS: apple.co/womenofimpact ********************************************************************** FOLLOW LISA: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lisabilyeu/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/lisabilyeu YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/womenofimpact Tik Tok: https://www.tiktok.com/@lisa_bilyeu?lang=en Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript

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0:51.1	What is up everybody?
0:52.4	How you doing?
0:53.4	Welcome to Relations theory live.
0:56.9	We're on time. We were literally just sitting here waiting going what do we do? But this is literally the only show that's always like a mad scramble at the end. Yeah. Like everything else is you know on time, it's timely. So I'm very excited.
1:11.6	Well, thank you for joining us, guys.
1:13.6	This subject is really interesting.
1:14.6	Do you know what we're talking about?
1:16.6	I do only because you just said it.
1:17.6	Otherwise, I would have.
1:18.6	Oh, I could say on my IG story, yeah.
	...

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