Yes, We're Talking New Year’s Resolutions (and Goals, and Kale) – But Stick with Me, It's Not What You Think!

The Virtual Couch

Tony Overbay LMFT

Education, Self-improvement, Health & Fitness, Mental Health

4.9 • 668 Ratings

🗓️ 28 December 2023

⏱️ 48 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Tony addresses why so many New Year’s resolutions don’t last and explores the concept of value-based goals and the importance of aligning them with personal values for the sake of authenticity and lasting change. He discusses the shortcomings of the SMART (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-bound) goal-setting method. He plays clips from an interview with his friend Neal Hooper about their discoveries on incorporating Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) into the goal-setting process. Neal introduces the elements necessary for genuine progress and fulfillment - the 'why' and 'how' of making SMARTER goals. Drawing from the principles of ACT and illustrating through the story of the client “Jason’s” transformational journey, he emphasizes the significance of acceptance, committed action, and psychological flexibility. The episode also points out the need to view setbacks as opportunities for growth, not pitfalls, and illustrates the importance of flexibility in goal setting. 00:00 Introduction: The Struggle with Traditional Goal-Setting 01:27 Meet the Host: Tony Overbay and His Podcasts 03:11 The Problem with New Year's Resolutions 06:48 The SMART Goals Method: An Overview 08:21 Jason's Story: A Case Study in Goal Setting 09:27 The Limitations of SMART Goals: Jason's Experience 14:26 The Shift to Values-Driven Goals 15:00 Jason's Transformation: Embracing a Holistic Approach 22:27 Conclusion: The Power of Mindfulness and Acceptance in Goal Setting 23:01 Challenges and Old Habits 23:24 Acceptance and Compassion in Change 24:10 The Power of Small Victories 24:42 Aligning Goals with Personal Values 25:13 The Pitfalls of Yo-Yo Dieting 25:42 The Pushup Challenge: A Personal Journey 26:25 Embracing Acceptance and Commitment Therapy 27:27 The Power of Daily Commitment 29:56 The Importance of Why and How in Goal Setting 30:22 The Role of Shame in Goal Setting 30:56 The Problem with Traditional Goal Setting 31:19 The Importance of Perceived Value and Capability in Goals 34:36 The Power of Smarter Goals 41:58 The Misconception of Committed Action 43:25 The Role of Setbacks in Growth 44:14 Embracing Discomfort and Doubt 44:42 Conclusion: The Power of ACT Principles Find all the latest links to podcasts, courses, Tony's newsletter, and more at https://linktr.ee/virtualcouch Please follow Tony’s new Waking Up to Narcissism Instagram account here https://www.instagram.com/wutnpod/ Subscribe to Tony's latest podcast, "Waking Up to Narcissism Q&A - Premium Podcast," on the Apple Podcast App. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/waking-up-to-narcissism-q-a/id1667287384 Go to http://tonyoverbay.com/workshop to sign up for Tony's "Magnetize Your Marriage" virtual workshop. The cost is only $19, and you'll learn the top 3 things you can do NOW to create a Magnetic Marriage. You can learn more about Tony's pornography recovery program, The Path Back, by visiting http://pathbackrecovery.com And visit http://tonyoverbay.com and sign up to receive updates on upcoming programs and podcasts. Tony mentioned a product that he used to take out all of the "uh's" and "um's" that, in his words, "must be created by wizards and magic!" because it's that good! To learn more about Descript, click here https://descript.com?lmref=bSWcEQ

Transcript

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0:00.0	So if you ever set a goal to be a super fit kale smoothie loving sunrise jogging person,
0:06.7	only to find yourself binge watching shows with a bag of chips somewhere by week two of the new year?
0:12.6	But what if I told you that there is a way to set goals that won't make your couch miss you so much
0:16.9	might actually make you happier?
0:18.6	Sorry though, kale is still going to taste like kale,
0:21.1	which is kind of like dirt. Or do you set New Year's resolutions with the same enthusiasm as choosing
0:26.4	a dentist for a root canal? Well, what if there is a way to pick goals that you don't feel like
0:32.9	you're punishing yourself for something that you didn't even do? Or have you ever chased a goal like it is
0:38.6	the last bus of the night only to catch it and realize it's absolutely going in the wrong direction?
0:44.1	What if I told you that the secret to fulfilling goals is not just in the chasing, but in chatting
0:49.2	with your thoughts and feelings along the way, and not in a way that we'll eventually see you in a
0:53.6	padded room.
0:58.0	We're talking about more like discovering and making friends with your internal GPS that actually has legit updated maps of all the streets of where you're going to get
1:02.3	and actually tells you where the in and outs are ahead of you and not behind you.
1:07.0	So if any of these things resonate with you, then I really do think that you're going to appreciate
1:11.6	today's episode more than you can even imagine.
1:14.2	And I'm even going to use what might be my very last cliche card of 2023.
1:19.9	Welcome to the first day of the rest of your life.
1:23.1	These things and so much more coming up on today's episode of the virtual couch.
1:42.2	Music things and so much more. Coming up on today's episode of the virtual couch. Come on in and take a seat on the virtual couch.
1:47.0	Hey everybody. Welcome to episode 407, possibly the last virtual couch episode of the year. I am your host, Tony Overbay, a licensed marriage and family therapist, a certified mindful habit coach and host of this podcast, the virtual couch, as well as waking up to narcissism, and a plethora of others, including love ADHD with my friend Julie Lee, murder on the couch, the mind, the mirror, and me, both of those hosted with my daughters, Sydney and Mackie, respectively.
2:13.0	I would love for you to check all of those podcasts out. And as a matter of fact, Sydney and I have been doing some relationship lives over on TikTok. And those are picking up some steam and we'll bring those over into the world of Instagram live very soon. So follow me on social media at virtual couch if you're a TikTok person and at Tony Overbay underscore LMFT or at WUTN Pod over on Instagram.
	...

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