XYBM Clips: Stop feeling guilty for outgrowing people
Express Yourself Black Man
Kizzle
5.0 • 556 Ratings
🗓️ 29 October 2025
⏱️ 11 minutes
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Summary
In XYBM 142, I sit down with Elliott Connie — a psychotherapist, author, and podcaster helping people heal through solution-focused brief therapy. We have a honest conversation about the lasting effects of childhood trauma and abuse, the power of self-love, and the challenges Black men face in advocating for their mental well-being.
Elliott also opens up about his own story — growing up with an abusive father and how setting one boundary changed the entire fabric of their relationship for years.
Tune in on all podcast streaming platforms, including YouTube.
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Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | You said you have some good supportive people, but I feel like a lot of times black men don't feel like we have supportive people around us. |
| 0:05.7 | We feel like we have people that we have to support. |
| 0:08.6 | So how do we create a network of people that we can actually depend on when it's time for us to actually need that support? |
| 0:15.5 | What do you feel like are something that we could do? |
| 0:17.8 | Man, you've got to be an asshole sometimes. |
| 0:20.7 | What do you mean about that? |
| 0:21.6 | Because when somebody lets you know that they're not helping you get where you want to go, |
| 0:27.0 | you got to stop messing with that. |
| 0:28.6 | Like, in our culture, we've, like, this is, of you going to get me killed. |
| 0:37.6 | I'm just going to... |
| 0:38.0 | No, no, you're good. |
| 0:39.1 | You're good. |
| 0:39.7 | I'm just going to tell you... |
| 0:40.7 | No, you just watch the comments. |
| 0:42.7 | Okay. |
| 0:44.2 | But in our culture, we view elevating as selling out. |
| 0:51.0 | Okay. |
| 0:52.1 | And what I mean by that, like, if I grow up and I'm surrounded by just the |
| 1:00.6 | neighborhood people I grew up with, there is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to stay |
| 1:06.4 | connected to your community. But if I want to elevate, then you've got to elevate with me. And if you don't, I've got to say, like, look, man, I'm going to a place that you don't seem to want to go to. Right. So I got to drop you off here. Yep. Like, I don't have a choice. Like, I love you and thank you for being my childhood friend, but I'm going to this other place. |
| 1:28.2 | Right. |
| 1:28.9 | I'm inviting you. |
... |
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