XYBM Clips: You can’t have success without pain
Express Yourself Black Man
Kizzle
5.0 • 556 Ratings
🗓️ 30 October 2025
⏱️ 9 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
In XYBM 142, I sit down with Elliott Connie — a psychotherapist, author, and podcaster helping people heal through solution-focused brief therapy. We have a honest conversation about the lasting effects of childhood trauma and abuse, the power of self-love, and the challenges Black men face in advocating for their mental well-being.
Elliott also opens up about his own story — growing up with an abusive father and how setting one boundary changed the entire fabric of their relationship for years.
Tune in on all podcast streaming platforms, including YouTube.
Leave a 5-star review ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ if you found value in this episode or a previous episode!
BOOK US FOR SPEAKING + BRAND DEALS:
————————————
Explore our diverse collaboration opportunities as the leading and fastest-growing Black men's mental health platform on social media. Let's create something dope for your brand/company.
Take the first step by filling out the form on our website: https://www.expressyourselfblackman.com/speaking-brand-deals
HOW TO FIND A DOPE, BLACK THERAPIST:
————————————
We are teaching a FREE webinar on how to find a dope, Black therapist – sign up for the next session here: https://event.webinarjam.com/channel/black-therapist
All webinar attendees will have the opportunity to be paired with a Black mental health professional in Safe Haven. We have had 1K+ people sign up for this webinar in the past. Don’t miss out. Slots are limited.
SAFE HAVEN:
————————————
Safe Haven is a holistic healing platform built for Black men by Black men. In Safe Haven, you will be connected with a Black mental health professional, so you can finally heal from the things you find it difficult to talk about AND you will receive support from like-minded Black men that are all on their healing journey, so you don’t have to heal alone.
Join Safe Haven Now: https://www.expressyourselfblackman.com/safe-haven
SUPPORT THE PLATFORM:
————————————
Safe Haven: https://www.expressyourselfblackman.com/safe-haven
Monthly Donation: https://buy.stripe.com/eVa5o0fhw1q3guYaEE
Merchandise: https://shop.expressyourselfblackman.com
FOLLOW US:
————————————
TikTok: @expressyourselfblackman (https://www.tiktok.com/@expressyourselfblackman) Instagram:
Host: @expressyourselfblackman
(https://www.instagram.com/expressyourselfblackman)
Guest: @elliottspeaks (https://www.instagram.com/elliottspeaks/)
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/ExpressYourselfBlackMan
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/expressyourselfblackman
Transcript
Click on a timestamp to play from that location
| 0:00.0 | So you believe most people want that, want success, but they don't want the other ass, which is a sacrifice that comes with them. |
| 0:05.6 | I think most people want success. In fact, I think everybody wants success, but nobody wants the journey. |
| 0:10.6 | They don't want, they don't want the journey. You don't want the pain. Like, everybody looks at, you know, some six-pack ab, but you don't want the sit-ups. |
| 0:21.9 | Most people, you just don't want that. |
| 0:23.3 | You don't want to eat 120 grams of protein with this way protein powder. |
| 0:30.7 | Like, you don't want that. |
| 0:32.1 | But you just want the physique that looks like that. |
| 0:36.6 | But you got to have both. Like, you have to, you know, you got to have, you got to have both like that. Yeah. But you got to have both. |
| 0:37.9 | Like you have to, you know, you got to have both for sure. Yeah. People want the outcome, not the process. 100%. They want the outcome, not the process. Oh my gosh. But I, you got to fall in love to process. Process is where it's at. Yeah. Why? So let me ask you this. Because you talked about hope, but I think hope is so important to this conversation. |
| 0:56.8 | And it's the first time I've heard, Yeah, why? So let me ask you this, because you talked about hope, but I think hope is so important to this conversation. |
| 0:56.8 | And it's the first time I've heard, |
| 0:59.0 | because when you talk about hope, |
| 1:00.8 | what I'm hearing a lot is reframing. |
| 1:03.3 | And you let me know if I'm wrong. |
| 1:04.9 | Because when I was in college, |
| 1:09.0 | I was going through depression and suicide ideations. |
| 1:11.3 | One of the big things that helped me a lot was reframing. |
| 1:14.9 | And what I'm realizing now is what reframing did for me was it gave me the hope that I could have a good day, that life wasn't crazy, that I can go and do what I need to do. |
| 1:24.1 | Because when I was going through depression and suicide ideation, my thought process was, I hate life, life sucks, everything about my life is actually |
| 1:33.8 | horrible. That's what I was telling myself, basically every day, and that was my thought |
| 1:38.1 | process. And so the reframing that I was doing was really telling myself, one, I would end my days or I would start |
| 1:46.9 | my days with like three things I was grateful for. So it forced me to like actually see something good. |
... |
Please login to see the full transcript.
Disclaimer: The podcast and artwork embedded on this page are from Kizzle, and are the property of its owner and not affiliated with or endorsed by Tapesearch.
Generated transcripts are the property of Kizzle and are distributed freely under the Fair Use doctrine. Transcripts generated by Tapesearch are not guaranteed to be accurate.
Copyright © Tapesearch 2026.