XYBM Clips: Don’t punish your kids for doing this
Express Yourself Black Man
Kizzle
5.0 • 556 Ratings
🗓️ 28 October 2025
⏱️ 12 minutes
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Summary
In XYBM 142, I sit down with Elliott Connie — a psychotherapist, author, and podcaster helping people heal through solution-focused brief therapy. We have a honest conversation about the lasting effects of childhood trauma and abuse, the power of self-love, and the challenges Black men face in advocating for their mental well-being.
Elliott also opens up about his own story — growing up with an abusive father and how setting one boundary changed the entire fabric of their relationship for years.
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Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | We force kids to comply to our rules without a whole lot of conversation about why. |
| 0:06.1 | Without a whole lot of conversation about why it's important to do chores and why it's important |
| 0:11.8 | to follow household rules and why discipline is important. |
| 0:15.1 | We're just told if you don't do that, you are going to be punished. |
| 0:20.5 | Like, I can remember my grandmother, man, my grandma, |
| 0:23.6 | my grandma is one of the most important people in my life. I think my grandmother, high as |
| 0:28.3 | regard, absolute highest regard. My grandma in Chicago, born in Chicago, when I was around four, |
| 0:35.2 | we moved to Boston. But every summer, I'd go stay with my grandmother, |
| 0:39.0 | until sports took over my life. And there was a room in my grandmother's house that children |
| 0:45.9 | were not allowed into. Like literally, you can't step over the threshold of this room. All of the |
| 0:52.8 | furniture in that room was covered in plastic. |
| 0:55.5 | There was a cabinet in that room that I now realized there's alcohol in there. I didn't know what it was at the time. |
| 1:01.8 | But my grandmother would just, you can't go in there. And we knew if you go, if you cross that line, |
| 1:07.3 | you're going to get, she's going to kill you. But she never talked to me |
| 1:11.3 | about why that was important. She never talked to me about why it's important to follow rules. |
| 1:15.4 | And I think the greatest thing you can do with your children is to converse. Like, talk to them, |
| 1:20.3 | teach them why these things are important. You can still punish them. You can still parent them. |
| 1:24.4 | Like, I'm not saying, except child behavior, but I am saying, like, |
| 1:29.1 | your job is to educate your children, not to just force compliance. And I think that's, |
| 1:34.5 | that's what we did. Yeah, I like, I like the fact that you talked about educating children, |
| 1:38.6 | because I was going to ask you the question as to why, even explaining why, is important |
| 1:43.5 | with kids. |
... |
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