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Bitch Bible

#WIFEY

Bitch Bible

PodcastOne

Talk Radio, Comedy, Society & Culture

4.614.6K Ratings

🗓️ 23 June 2015

⏱️ 38 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Jackie talks getting wifed with her one rational married friend Heidi and gives listeners a game plan on securing a rock (no side baguettes). Jackie also sheds light on possible lesbianism, ultimatums and racial identity because she's just that fucking worldly. Get wifey or die alone trying.

Transcript

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0:00.0

Hello everyone!

0:22.6

So after last week's insanely awkward and borderline tense podcast with Brooks Wheeling,

0:28.8

I needed a little bit of a refresher, which is why I brought in my little rive sunshine,

0:34.0

friend Heidi. Hi Heidi! Hi! Thanks for being here! We're having Mimosas! Cheers!

0:41.4

So fun! Cheers to you! Thank you for having me!

0:44.7

Um, did you listen to last week's podcast? Oh, be honest. No, I haven't. It's the one I haven't

0:51.6

listened to yet. I don't believe you. No, not yet. Okay, uh, that's fine. I forgive you. I'll let you

0:56.2

stay. It was so awkward. He hated me. Oh my gosh, why? I don't know. I mean, I think he either

1:04.4

thought that I was hitting on him because he mentioned his girlfriend like 476 times.

1:10.1

And he was just, I, he was just irritated to be here, I think. Are you irritated to be here? No,

1:15.5

okay. I'm delighted. Uh, also today is National Panic Day, which is so exciting. Yeah, because

1:22.9

I mean, every day is National Panic Day. Pretty much. For me. But that's why we're having

1:27.1

Mimosas to celebrate. Yeah. I observed this holiday quite a bit. Yeah. As do you. A little bit,

1:32.8

right? You're like that super neurotic, but... No, but I have my things. What's your thing?

1:38.8

Small elevators. Small elevators. What else? Gosh. Large groups of people. Oh, yeah. Of course, crowds.

1:47.5

Coachella. Coachella. That's right. Everything that it stands for pretty much.

1:51.9

Heidi was with me at Coachella and it was a growing experience. Yeah. We did really well. Yeah.

1:59.1

I would say. No, I think so. We both slept in closets. Yeah. You slept in an actual closet. Yeah.

2:07.1

A closet, like less smaller than a twin bed with my husband. Right. It was bonding. She has a husband.

2:14.2

So that's another thing. Heidi is my only wifeed friend. That's true. How does that feel? Do you feel

2:20.5

more mature? I do. I feel... Well, I'm 11 days away from my one-year anniversary. How's the first year

2:28.0

been? It's been wonderful. It has. Yeah. It has. It's been really fun. I mean, it hasn't been

...

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