I was coaching a woman in my love life coaching group recently who told me, Matthew, I always date avoidance.

These people just break my heart every time.

They don't want a relationship.

They make up excuses as to why they can't have one.

Now avoidant is a word that is used often in attachment theory, the idea of

an avoidant being someone who is potentially afraid of commitment or even commitment-phobic. It could

be characterized by someone who is easily suffocated or finds that they have a need for space that

people who are anxiously attached don't.

It can also be a kind of person that often finds rationalizations for why they can't be intimate or have a relationship.

Now, of course, there's a whole spectrum of avoidance, and not every avoidant is incapable of a relationship.

Many people are in relationships with avoidance, even successful

ones. But there is a kind of avoidant person who will willingly waste your time and becomes a very

dangerous person in your life, not just for time, but for your heart too. So I want to talk about

what it is that was going on with this person

and see if you can relate if you know that you keep going for the kinds of people that ultimately

break your heart. This is a woman who had talked about having done this many times. I have a pattern

of going for people who are avoidant and who

eventually hurt me. When she told me her story, she said that a typical line she gets from

guys is, you're too good for me. And I suppose we should start by saying that anyone who says,

you're too good for me, that's

like guy language for I feel guilty because I know I'm stringing you along and I know it's

going to hurt you.

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