Why Other People Trigger You—and What It Reveals About Your Own Healing

The Cure for Chronic Pain with Nicole Sachs, LCSW

Nicole Sachs, LCSW

Alternative Health, Spirituality, Religion & Spirituality, Health & Fitness

4.9 • 2.8K Ratings

🗓️ 27 March 2026

⏱️ 45 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Learn how to JournalSpeak ➡️ ⁠LEARN HOW:⁠ https://www.yourbreakawake.com/journalspeak⁠ Today’s conversation grew out of a powerful question from our Heal with Nicole community about victim mindset, self-compassion, and the internal conflict so many of us carry without even realizing it. I use this post as a doorway into a much bigger discussion about the stories we tell ourselves, the shame we attach to certain parts of who we are, and the hidden reasons we judge other people so harshly. I also share a formative college exercise that has stayed with me for decades, one that reveals something profound: the qualities that most trigger us in others often point to disowned parts of ourselves. When we begin to understand that, rather than judge it, we open the door to real compassion. This episode is ultimately about the conflict that lives inside us and how that conflict fuels TMS, anxiety, pain, and chronic nervous system dysregulation. I talk about why it is the conflict that creates so much suffering, how self-judgment quietly fills the emotional reservoir, and why self-compassion is not optional in this work. I also walk you through a simple but powerful self-compassion practice you can begin using right away, and I invite you into a JournalSpeak exercise that can help you uncover what is really being activated beneath your resentment, rigidity, or shame. If you’ve ever wondered why certain people get under your skin, why you are so hard on yourself, or why your symptoms flare when you feel emotionally torn, this episode will give you a completely new way to understand yourself. Join us! XOOX n. ⁠⁠SUBSCRIBE TO MY NEW SUBSTACK⁠⁠! So excited about this one :)) Want your questions answered directly by me? 💛 Receive support, guidance, connection, and direct access to me with MEMBERSHIP: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://tinyurl.com/y7wadt8d⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠1:1 COACHING WITH TRAINED COACHES SUPERVISED DIRECTLY BY NICOLE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠PLEASE RATE AND REVIEW THE PODCAST HERE TO HELP OTHERS FIND IT!⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Producer: Lisa Eisenpresser ~~~~~ SUPPORT: 🟠 Struggling with chronic pain? Check out my Freedom From Chronic Pain course GET THE FIRST LESSON FREE: https://www.yourbreakawake.com/painfree⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 🟠 Anxiety controlling your life? Try my Freedom From an Anxious Life course GET THE FIRST LESSON FREE: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.yourbreakawake.com/anxietyfree⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 🧠 Learn more about the brain science and clinical experiences in my book MIND YOUR BODY: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.yourbreakawake.com/book ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 💛 Receive support, guidance, connection, and direct access to Nicole with MEMBERSHIP: https://www.yourbreakawake.com/membership⁠ ~~~~ THE CURE FOR CHRONIC PAIN JOIN THE CONVERSATION ON INSTAGRAM 👉 https://www.instagram.com/nicolesachslcsw⁠ SUBSCRIBE TO THE PODCAST ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 👉 https://podfollow.com/the-cure-for-chronic-pain-with-nicole-sachs-lcsw⁠ LEARN ABOUT ANNUAL OMEGA RETREAT ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 👉 https://www.yourbreakawake.com/work-with-nicole Podcast music by the beautiful and talented Danielle Furst: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@musicfurst⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0	Welcome to the Cure for Chronic Pain podcast with me, Nicole Sacks. You are here.
0:13.2	Hello, everybody. How are you today? This is Nicole, and you have reached the Cure for Chronic Pain. Welcome to it.
0:19.3	Very, very excited to riff on some very
0:22.9	important topics. Today's conversation was the result of an interaction that I had with someone
0:30.0	in our member community. So most of you guys know, Lisa and I run a group called Heal with Nicole.
0:35.0	And it's just the best place for me to know what everybody needs because, as you always
0:41.5	hear me say, we are so much more alike than we are different.
0:45.0	And most people who come and interact with me and ask me questions, I find that their
0:50.4	questions are everybody's questions.
0:52.1	And it's really actually quite cute and funny because their questions are also everybody else's questions in the questions. And it's really actually quite cute and funny because
0:54.2	their questions are also everybody else's questions in the group. And it ends up being really
0:59.2	robust and wonderful to have these conversations. So today, I'm going to bring you a topic that was
1:06.0	generated from a post about victim mindset and about the whole concept of what it means to be the victim
1:12.8	and what it means for that concept to intersect with self-compassion, which is so important
1:20.0	when doing this work, self-compassion, that is. But it made me think of something that I want to
1:25.2	even dig deeper on and discuss before I even
1:28.7	jump into the concept of what it even means to be a victim and how there's such a negative
1:33.4	connotation and how we have so much shame around it. I want to talk about the other side of the
1:38.1	page. And so hold tight because we're going to have a conversation that I believe is going to
1:43.7	help you restructure the way you think about yourself, the way you think about people who you judge
1:50.0	and potentially have to bank and repress a lot of anger or sadness or fear around.
1:58.8	And just a really good thought experiment to reframe the way you live your life,
	...

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