Welcome to our part 2 guys on this epic incredible hard-hitting convoc with Dr. Shai Anne Bryan, aka my new favorite truth teller. And with part 1, she had us re-evaluating every single red flag that we've ever ignored and now get ready because we're going into the good stuff. The how, how to stop waiting and how to start creating the life love and identity you want. How to actually stand in your standards without freaking apologizing and how to actually own the freaking room despite other people trying to break your heart and break your trust because ladies you freaking deserve to have the tools that you need in order to stand up for yourself. But it all comes down to do you take those tools and use it in your life. And that's what this part is about. So we actually break down and assess why access is the new love language and how to transparently build your trust while giving each other access. We also talk about the difference between control and safety and how to set the boundaries from power not from fear.

Because trust me, I've tried both.

One doesn't work at all.

And the power on fricking works like a gem.

Then we go into why so many women shrink over time and what it takes to actually be open

and expansive and big and own the space.

Because the reason why you come to women of impact and the reason why I do this show is because we have committed to never letting a woman ever shrink herself again and that includes you and me. So this one is so strong in giving us the tools on how to never shrink. She also talks about how to date with your freaking power instead of your pain and finally how to know when to walk away, when to hold the line and how to actually love without losing yourself. Now this isn't about being perfect, it's not about executing perfectly but it is about absolutely being freaking powerful enough to know and take ownership over your actions and it is about making sure you control the story of your life. It isn't about blaming others, even if they're freaking all holes, even if they cheating. It isn't about blaming them. Because trust me, I want to blame them. I just want to focus on how badly they are. The problem is that won't solve it. The problem is that won't help and the problem is that won't change on life. So that's why you show up here. That's why I do what I do, so that we can actually get the tools to create momentum that then creates results. Alright, without further ado, I'm going to freaking stop talking so we can jump back into the episode. You are listening to Women of Impact with Dr. Shaiyan Brian and Lisa Biddy. Let's dive in. Let's go. Oh, I know. I mean, let's just say it happened tomorrow. I've been with my husband for almost 25 years. So I know I would go from mad, upset, angry to, but what does it look like being alone? But you'd be like, okay, hold on. Look what you said. Okay. See, this is what women need to hear because that's the reality of the internal struggle. See what you said? This is all I know, but I love it. or what I go? I don't want nobody else. But you can sit here now as a woman

being with him 25 years and having experience infidelity. At least I'm thinking you haven't experienced it. No, I was like, right? And me as a woman who's saying, hell no, I'm not leaving my husband. But cheating is a deal breaker. As a woman who hasn't been cheated on, as a woman who hasn't been cheated on, of course,

it's easy for us to skip down that brick road. a deal breaker as a woman who hasn't been cheated on as a woman who hasn't been cheated on, of course.

It's easy for us to skip down that brick road,

but what did you just say?

If it happened, I'd be 25 years on the level of this guy.

I don't wanna leave him.

What does a loan look like?

Can I be a loan?

Oh my, all of that doesn't mean you still wouldn't,

we don't mean we still wouldn't get our butts in leave. But it does mean we'd have a whole,

that's why I said I'd have to go to therapy. I'd have to process it. I'd have to figure out self. I'd have to figure out what does this conversation, it wouldn't be this, well I'm saying the opposite. I think it can be beautiful that you've got a strength to do it. Hell yeah. I just don't think I'll ever be able to figure this one. What after you leave immediately leave immediately, guess what you was sitting. Oh yeah, that stuff. Yeah, you were. Physically leaving. Yeah, you were. Yeah, physically leaving does it negate the work? No, no. Doesn't negate 25 years. Doesn't negate, you didn't plan for this. That's a really good point. And it doesn't mean you won't still leave because again, like I said, I am very strong in my decisions. I am completely committed to myself. My commitment is a sturdy oak. I mean, I am the only person, the only person that can uncommit the commitment I may because I stand very vertical in who I am. There's nothing nobody can say to make me waver from what I've committed to. But that same commitment I have to myself, I give to my friends, I give to my husband, I'll give to my kids, I give to my parents. That's why I say I'll be dismantled. Because I'm going to have to deal with the uncommitting to my husband. Because when I commit, I don't play about my commitments. I commit at a deep level and it's about me reprogramming my commitment. That's what I'd be working on after I left for infidelity marriage. I wouldn't have to work on leaving you because I'm so in love with you, because once you cheat on me, you become a different man. That's my point. I was married to my husband who was committed to me, who was faithful, who was loyal, who was transparent, who I trusted, who I nested in, who I gave everything I had to. Now you are a deceiver, a manipulator, a liar, a cheater. So guess what? I'm not a broken little girl who has learned to love the latter, but you're no longer the former. This is why I say, can you stay in that relationship and learn to love the deceiver? We wouldn't be having the process falling out of love with so much our husband who now showed to be a different man we fell in love with, we would have to be reprogramming our world, our commitment, what that looks like, our emotions, that resentment, and making sure that we don't take that baggage with us. Because I wouldn't allow that to affect how I move forward or how I date. That's so powerful because it comes back to the self-ownership. I can't control other people. If this happens, it's freaking shitty. But the thing I never ever won is for a woman to not realize her worth and her power because someone else took it from them. And so everything that you, the way you even just broke it down, it isn't about them and my love towards them. It is myself the way that I see the world, my commitment.

I love that you said that.

That's so strong.

So strong. Okay. People are going to look at you. Potentially, but it's okay for her. Look how strong she is. She's so brave. She's so confident. And as we talk about this subject, one of the things I've heard you talk about is how

you would tell them from the get-go, the expectations.

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